Wednesday, February 18, 2009

If I could write the world a song.

I wish I was more of a writer. Doesn't it seem that the strengths you wish for yourself aren't the strengths you've been given? I have a passion for writing music, I just don't know how or what I would write. So I have a passion for wanting to write music. I think it comes out of a dislike for the worship music we hear over and over again at gatherings. Which is kind of funny in itself, because I would probably complain if only songs I didn't know were played - unless they were great songs with a solid sound and thoughtful lyrics. Which is what I would love to write. I think it's a desire for contemporary hymns. I'm obsessed with the song 'This Road' by Jars of Clay, of which the lyrics are:

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

---I love it. I find myself picking up my guitar as a 'break' from studying which generally lasts longer than anything that should be called a break. I also 'helped' lead worship last night at our 'contemporary' worship service - I say 'helped' because no one came, and I say 'contemporary' because the songs were all circa 2001. Now, here is the dilemma. We sat brainstorming what should be done to encourage people to come, and amidst encouraging better advertising, I feel a need to move towards better songs. There are some newer songs that I love, and would love to bring to corporate worship. But isn't there a problem when I start loving songs? Once I was told, 'careful Becca, don't worship the worship'. It was in jest at the time, but those words have stuck with me because I easily love music, and I wonder sometimes if I enjoy worship music at gatherings because I love the music or if I'm really worshiping God. It can be hard to separate the two.

I know there are times when I have felt totally free during a worship service to praise God or be honest with God, and not be distracted by the voices around me, but distinctly touched by the words we sing, understanding what they really mean. And I hope that's what I can offer, that if I am worshiping through these pieces so can those who gather with me. Perhaps I should just stop worrying about what other people want in a worship service, and recognize that God works amidst our body of believers. Most of the time it really is us allowing ourselves to let go of ourselves and be listeners to and participants in something that is greater than ourselves.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pheeling Phaint Phor Photographs

I have a love and not-hate-but-somewhat-dislike for photography.

I would love to take photography all day every day every where and all the time. You can be so artistic with shots, and creative with angles, colors, patterns, people/faces, etc. But at the same time you're only capturing a moment, and not even a moment if you think about it - it is a flat representation of reduced reality. This is why we moan and groan on family vacations when the designated photographer must document as much as possible. The rest of us pull at our hair, make faces, and present our case that we should be enjoying the time we have, not by taking pictures, but by actually making the memories. In the end I think we all are a little thankful that certain events do get plastered to the paper, despite the agonizing minute it took for the picture to be taken.

My not-hate-but-somewhat-dislike side comes in when I think about how meaningful the subjects of the photo are. With nature or inanimate objects I have no real opinion, but when people enter the frame everything changes. To photograph someone is such a blessing and a curse - you have an opportunity to attempt to capture them - and I mean them - in a single spot for eternity. To try and communicate who they are through a still image. This is a challenge, but part of me also thinks it's a disgrace. You can't hold a conversation with a photograph, laugh with a photograph (well perhaps you can, but you will look quite strange doing so), build memories with a photograph ... I guess when I see photos of people, it makes me ache to know them. Especially if the photographer has captured them in a unique way - and then I wish that photographs could respond. Perhaps J.K. Rowling wishes the same thing.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Back from 'break'. A week of no classes when the dining hall closes and there is still work to be done doesn't really sound like a break, but I'll take what I can get. I did finish a book, I spent some time in Pennsylvania, and watched a few movies, which is what break is all about.

Now it's back to classes. And I'm excited. It's always nice to see all the familiar faces back on campus (since many were absent over Jan-term) but it's also got me thinking about how I want to engage my seminary experience. A friend and I have decided that Wednesdays over breakfast we will come together with whoever would like to join us, and discuss theological issues. It's basically "let's talk about our frustrations/questions dealing with theology/whatever else we hear here in class that we have not yet unpacked" time. A time that I wanted to designate, because often at meals people are having time to zone away from classes. And in small groups you get a bit more personal. And I want to utilize the time here to ask my peers questions about salvation and Jesus and spiritual warfare. So, today we met and it was great. One reason I'm excited.

And one cultural comment about seminary for today. I don't think I've mentioned this one before, sorry if I have. It feels as though there is a sort of grasping onto pieces of the world - as in holding onto any and all secularity (just made that word up). It's almost as if it's uncool to proclaim a love for Jesus, which seems so backwards. This doesn't go for everyone, but it seems pretty commonplace. It more just makes me feel like we're taking this weird Christian community thing for granted. We don't have to live all goody-two-shoes Christian, I mean, honesty doesn't have to look good. But we also don't have to head the other direction. I guess I'm just hoping (and this will probably seem random) that people are really engaging who they are and who they want to be, who God is calling them to be, and are not giving in to who they think they are supposed to be.