Further Up and Further In ...

I Preached! I think that speaks for itself...

2011-07-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is basically it - you probably weren't there for the children's sermon, for my ad-libs, or to hear me pray, so just imagine those things here and there ... Oh, and like a good Presbyterian, I did indeed quote John Calvin...

In the midst of the debacle of healthcare reform, I thought it appropriate to dabble into it during the children’s sermon … my mother is a dentist. So that piece about cavities hits home for me – I have quite a few of my own, and fear drillings as much as the rest of you. But growing up the daughter of a dentist and beginning work in ministry, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come up with sermon analogies having to do with teeth and comparisons to flossing. I’ll spare you for now from my most intricate ones, but I do want to linger in this idea of our God giving us commandments, the law, and Christ - as ways to help us understand what is good for us, preventative measures for a full and healthy life. I grew up in the church and have seen some of my peers fade out of the ‘church going lifestyle’ as they got older, some because they are too familiar with the ‘do’s and don’ts of the Christian lifestyle’, without really sitting in the ‘why’ – why did God give us these boundaries, these no’s, these ‘thou shalt not’s’. Before we dive in, let’s take a moment and pray.

Lord, your will not mine. Your words, not mine. May your Spirit dwell in our hearts and minds, and may your truth be heard today. Amen.

Today we are moving right along in our exploration through the commandments as taken from the book of exodus. We heard the first of the ‘shall nots’ last week from our Elder Lisa Meyers, with ‘You shall not murder’. And I don’t know if this is some sort of hazing for the new person on staff, but this week I bring to you the word of the Lord from Exodus 20:14, which reads: You shall not commit adultery. I wish I could just say ‘don’t do it!’ with a stern look, and a finger in your face, and then walk away, but I fear that that may be exactly the reason some have left the church. A good finger wagging doesn’t get the job done anymore. Also it seems that we like to shy away from sexual sins as proclaimed from the pulpit. Perhaps it is because our mass media today centers so heavily on sex that this place of worship becomes a respite from the bombardment. But God points out to us clearly, #7 in the 10 commandments (it made the top 10!!), ‘You shall not commit adultery’. I think this speaks not only to those who are married with a wandering eye, but also to the basic fact that we are sexual beings, and we’ve got to take greater care with our relationships.

Now, a Merriam Webster definition of Adultery does go like this: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband. Marriage, commitment, vows – we are to take them seriously and fully invest in the relationships we have declared before God, friends and family, with our whole beings. But, if only taken literally, we can march this commandment straight to our married fellows and say that #7 only applies to them. I, therefore, until the time comes, only have to follow 9 commandments. But I think we can all agree that doesn’t sit well. Adultery, much like what Lisa told us about Murder last week, has many layers to it.

In its context of the Old Testament, adultery surfaces over 30 times, with great concentrations of those occurrences in some of the books of the Minor Prophets. These prophets can be found after the book of psalms and Isaiah, and speak a word of warning to the people of God that they have not been living well at all. They have mixed their devotion to God with the pleasures and temptations of the world, and are moving in a downward spiral.

These instances of adultery that rise up in the minor prophets refers to Israel’s infidelity to the covenant that God so graciously provided. The Old Testament covenants were a promise between God and his people, that God would bless them and they in turn would remain faithful, worshiping only Him. But, just as we find ourselves easily distracted and too often bad at commitment, Israel time and again finds itself enthralled with other gods and other kingdoms. Here the admonition to not commit adultery speaks to a disobedient nation. Their hearts are no longer faithful to God. Another translation of the Hebrew word used here for adultery can also be translated as ‘idolatrous worship’, which is akin to our first commandment. Number 7 is looking like a pretty big deal now, isn’t it? But really, having an adulterous heart when it comes to our relationship with God is a damaging thing.

Adultery isn’t called a sin because ‘we say so’, but because it alters and distorts us further away from the people we are called by God to be. Which is Faithful. And God doesn’t ask us to do the impossible, it isn’t as if He sets us up for failure in order to see us crumble, but God sets an example of faithfulness, that we may be assured in HIS faithfulness and try our hardest to be faithful as well. A glimpse of this covenant we have with God is seen in marriages today – for better or for worse God is choosing to stand by us. In our doubts, in our failings, in our sufferings, in our anger, in our joys and in our celebrations – God remains faithful.

This imagery of God married to His people does not end with the old testament, but is only reestablished in the new – as Jesus Christ, our savior and redeemer is also described as the bridegroom of the church. Through all our unfaithfulness, God initiates this sort of vow renewal in the form of Christ. The promises God makes to us through the law are renewed and refined through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God reestablishes His faithfulness. We have to now ask ourselves, what does it mean to be faithful to Christ? This person who laid down their very life for me – what is it that I can do, what can I put in my life, and what should I remove and abstain from in order to stay faithful to Christ?

There aren’t easy answers to this question (well there may be some obvious ‘no’s’ that you need to be implementing), but Christ himself gives us some guidelines to how we should approach this admonition against adultery. And what Jesus says works both in our relationship to God and our relationships one to another. We are not left off the hook to live in an allegorical and philosophical world. Adultery in our day and age is a very real thing, and perhaps more public of an event than we would like it to be. In the Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5:27-30, If you’d like to read along with the pew bible in front of you, you’ll find it on pages 4-5 in the N. Jesus says,

“You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” ²⁸But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.^* ³⁰And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Okay. This sounds a little extreme. Tear out my eye and cut off my hand? You’ve got to be kidding me. I think some would move to say, I cannot control my thoughts over what I see from day to day – I may choose to not see certain movies or go to certain locations, but I can’t control the way people dress in public, or the way they behave around me, and therefore cause my mind to wander.

But here Jesus is holding us accountable. He is taking very seriously this matter of adultery, and that we do have a responsibility regarding what we put into our bodies. My eyes do not have a will of their own, nor do my hands. My mind controls, those, and as the theologian John Calvin says, ‘If the mind were pure, it would find eyes and hands consistent; certainly they have no motivation of their own”. [1] Let’s not get to a point of justifying ourselves for things we know are wrong.

Now, I don’t mean splitting hairs about everything we do, but I mean being aware of what stimulates us. That what we are putting into our bodies has an affect on us – sure cheesecake tastes great now but lets see what my arteries or blood sugar levels look like 50 years down the road if I have ‘just a slice’ every day. I read an online journal entry a few years back and some of the words from that really stuck with me.

The author, Sarah Markley, is a woman who not long into her marriage, found herself in an affair. The way she writes about it is haunting and heartbreaking. She discusses how she had everything she wanted, and in the midst of that became rather narcissistic, really centered on serving her own needs - and was displeased with her marriage. And instead of getting outside of herself, and try to reconnect with who she was and who her husband was, she first began an emotional affair with one of their mutual friends.

It seemed harmless, and so freeing, and somewhat electric. Her act of emotionally bonding with this other man over harmless cups of coffee and lunches in time turned into a full-blown physical affair. What I particularly want to share with you today are these words that she wrote:
“No one wakes up one day and decides to commit adultery. I don’t know what other people have told you, but something like this takes a hundred million tiny poorly-made decisions layered on top of one another.”

It is my belief that essentially, Adultery and fidelity both begin internally. We make a hundred-million tiny choices every day that affect our emotional, spiritual, and physical selves. I titled my sermon God’s Healthcare Reform: Preventative Care because I think that’s what God is about – keeping us mindful of the choices we make that will prevent disease, the disease being a deepening of sin, which in turn pushes us further and further away from God.

So where does adultery begin? Perhaps it is a simple need to escape – not having to deal with the current situation if I bring in something totally new. Am I placing blame on my stressful life and current situation for small outlets of escape? In the case of Bill Clinton, does it matter that he redefines what ‘sexual relations’ are if the heart behind it is diseased? When we begin justifying and redefining the particulars we’ve lost track of the danger. We’ve come close to stepping over the line, and when we get that close, the line looks irresistible.

So where does it begin for you? I recently watched the movie Eat Pray Love, based on the book by Elizabeth Gilbert, about her search for deeper meaning in life – a great idea to contemplate. But while the cinematography was brilliant, I found the storyline rather distasteful if not just for one reason – in the beginning we meet the main character in her marriage, and soon find her seeking a divorce. Why? – she was bored. Her boredom in her marriage sparked this existential crisis, as if boredom isn’t a part of life. As if life should always be an exciting adventure, as if there aren’t stale moments you have to wait out, or that monotony doesn’t happen to people. Sometimes you have to wade through monotony in order to see the fruit of your labor.

This message is everywhere – dissatisfied? Drop what you’re doing and come see what life is really about. You haven’t really lived until insert marketing campaign here. It dissuades us from ever seeing the beauty of commitment and investment, probably because the forerunners of our culture greatly fear commitment.

This mindset also dissolves integrity – we can learn so much about ourselves and the people around us if instead of instantly picking up and leaving, we stop and say –what is going on here, why am I dissatisfied? In the case of adultery, we can ask – why is that other person suddenly so attractive to me? What is it that I have stopped putting into my marriage or relationship that I started adding into this new friendship?

Adultery is a sin. And before we get wrapped up in how condemning that sounds, let’s be reminded of what sin is – it is literally ‘missing the mark’, wandering away from who God has called us and is calling us to be. To think that I have great potential to grow up in the love and grace of God is such a beautiful thing. But we must remember that it takes a constant turning to God that gets us there, we are not capable on our own, or Christ wouldn’t have come. We are indeed given choices every day to choose Christ’s way or our own, and in the case of adultery – serving our own pleasures over the goodness of creation – sin abounds and impedes us.

I want to return to the minor prophets, to remind you of the kind of God we worship. Hear these words from the book of Jeremiah, a prophet to the people of God:

‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the LORD. ‘I will frown on you no longer, for I am faithful,’ declares the LORD, ‘I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt – you have rebelled against the LORD your God, you have scattered your favors to foreign gods under every spreading tree, and have not obeyed me,’ declares the LORD. ‘Return faithless people,’ declares the LORD, ‘for I am your husband.’

WHAT A RELIEF – God is the faithful one. Through our mistakes, our faithlessness (you hear he calls to a faithless Israel), our adulterous hearts, possibly actions, He stands ready to forgive. It is always a message to return (we hear the word ‘repent’ all over the NT, but it is really a call to change direction, and this call is to turn back to God). And God is transformative, in Christ and through the Holy Spirit, such that we are not left in our adultery, but we are a new creation. This is what we are reminded of after we are called to confession every week: that God, the faithful one, has renewed our hearts and desires to stand with us to help our eyes and hands from encouraging our sinful hearts. So be mindful of the hundred thousand tiny decisions you make every day, and pray that God will guide you and restore you.

Let us pray.

[1] Jean Calvin’s New Testament Commentaries: A Harmony of the Gospels Matthew, Mark & Luke (v.1) p.189

And so it begins!

2011-07-17T18:09:00.001-07:00

Essentially I meant for that title to be about the start of my new job. But that sparks a million conversations in itself, and really I just had one in particular in mind: I had my first conversation with a congregant regarding the contemporary vs. traditional music controversy.

Coming out of academia I am fresh with wit and wisdom, so as to spout proper ideals and stoic theological perspectives to whoever kindles the flame. But such practice and vigor hardly prepares one for ... compassion.

Now, I didn't start a yelling match, or shove anyone. I only prodded a little, intellectually. The controversy goes that those who prefer traditional music, usually the 60+ crowd but not exclusively, find modern worship music (I'll use that rather than 'contemporary' as that seems to have lost it's definition and sags a bit around the waste) to be: lacking in skill (not required to read music or explore the complex harmonies), theological depth (it's more about me than God), and heritage (hymns have been passed through the ages - Martin Luther, 500+ yrs ago, wrote some of the best!). And in the other direction, 'modern' worshipers find traditional worship to be: stuffy (up down up down, hold the book but don't share with person next to you, up down...), archaic (I already said it, 500yrs old at least), and dead (well, most of the authors ARE physically gone ...).

Now, these are generalizations about polar regions, and I am one who falls happily in the middle. Put me in either worship experience, and God will be worshiped without complaint. Okay okay, I would say at the times that I do complain, it has more to do with the quality of executing worship leadership than what they chose to sing ... we can discuss that later.

So there I was, happily building my knowledge of congregants, logging names away in my brain, when the conversation began. I was eager. I could smell it from a mile away. My seminary degree was pushing it's way up and I had to shove it back down in order to have a tame conversation. I met a member of the choir, which was on hiatus for the summer. I heard the lament of their absence, and the tensions our church has when there are too many 'contemporary' songs used in Sunday worship during our combined summer services. It saddened me to hear that some congregants just choose not to sing when the song is unfamiliar and does not come from the hymnal. I pondered what it is a pastor might be able to say or do to encourage learning in all forms - be it by reading the music or learning the song audibly.

Arguably, my generation seems to have produced more sports enthusiasts than musicians, and reading music is simply not as ubiquitous as it used to be. Moreover, many my age were not brought up in the church, so their presence there may be a new thing. So what are our expectations of worship - as newcomers or faithful returners, and how can they be, ever so lovingly, broken down?

The most interesting point of the conversation, in my opinion, was in utilizing the term 'praise music'. My new friend brought up her feeling that it is the hymns that are truly praise music, for the contemporary stuff is just pushing for an emotional experience while hymns speak of God in intricate language and doctrinal poetry. When I asked her, 'what does it mean to praise?' there was some stumbling, some murmurs of God centered (to which I aptly countered, using my sharp seminarian wit, that while some contemporary songs do seem to be about me, most of what we do in our services, if not all, point to truths about God), and eventually her shoulders released their tension, and I heard something along the lines of 'I'm not sure.' I think we hit a wall because though praise, I can agree, is something more about God than about me, it also deeply attaches to us emotionally. What she liked, when she felt that spark, she felt it to be praise.

Perhaps you disagree, but I find myself equally joyous and uplifted in singing How Great Thou Art as with Desert Song. I don't believe we should only worship when we feel, or that we should worship to feel, or that true worship only comes with feelings ... no, I just want to point out that when we start speaking of the times we feel most connected to God, others may not feel it the same way. And when we start having preferences about 'how' we worship, are we still practicing worship, or a selfish desire for our preferred aesthetic?

I will continue to ponder these things and process what it means to be a whole congregation - intergenerational and worshiping under one roof, praising one God. In the mean time, here's something we can all agree is beautiful: Flowers. Actually, garden tea parties are probably a very welcome activity regardless of age ... snacks and beauty? Priceless. Especially when those lemon tea cookies make an appearance!

Welcome to the Palouse!

2011-07-02T17:33:00.000-07:00

To me, moving means these things:

1) Learning you have way more things than you need, and yet disposing of memorabilia is a painful and lengthy process.

2) Discovering allergies when you have not thought ahead to buy tissues.

3) A love for buying IKEA items, but a budget that keeps you from overdoing it. And the looming reality of #1.

4) Doing things by yourself - okay, maybe simply 'moving' does not mean this, but moving to new places - I went to Costco by myself today, and I was reminded how Costco is not exactly built for singular buyers... I may have overdone it on the kleenex purchase ...

5) Wondering why graduate school leaves you with so many books ... shouldn't they offer us bookshelves as a complementary part of our degree?!?

Should I brew my own coffee?

2011-06-14T22:31:00.001-07:00

It is at times like this when you ask questions about what it means to grow up. I'm entering into my first salary position, in which there is not foreseeable end-date, completely moving away from home (or at least trying to box up my room and give 90% of my 25yrs of accumulated 'stuff' away), and there are people relying on me to produce, not just grade me on performance.

So will I brew my own coffee? Will I cook more than 4 times a week? Do I need a smart-phone data plan? Can I afford a flat-screen tv? Will I grow my own vegetables? Can I actually practice living simply? Do I have to buy a whole new wardrobe? Do I have to wear heels more often, or is that a trend worth rebelling against? Do I need to factor in weekly exercise routines? And therefore will I become a member at a gym? Can I compost? Will I compost? Will I have good boundaries between work and play, such that there is a time I will not be working (but preferably no time when I will not be playing ... at some level)? Can I implement the habits I've always said I would once I establish a structured lifestyle? Will I have a structured lifestyle? Do I know how to save for retirement? How do I invest, and save? How much planning can one have for the future?

Okay, well, that's a load off my mind. Here's to the road ahead.

It's finals. I'm procrastinating.

2011-04-22T08:12:00.001-07:00

I would like to write a poem with the first line that says: Truth is not palatable.

I'm pretty convinced today's musicians either want to look or sound like Simon and Garfunkel.

Why are Miyazaki's movies never less than $20?

I impulse purchased both Anastasia and a worship/theology book. My worlds collide in an Amazon shopping cart.

Today I spent the remainder of breakfast with 5 friends boisterously watching funny youtubes from Sesame Street. How do puppets maintain humor throughout the ages?

Today is Good Friday, and I have to write papers. Thanks seminary. In any case, I am meditating on these words from Travis Cottrell's song 2000 Years (if you click scroll down and play song):

If I was there the night
Soldiers took Him away
Would I flee the scene
Like most of His friends
Then watch on the cross
What I thought was the end
What would I do then

Would I fall down and worship? Leave all that I treasured behind? For a chance to be closer To the Man who might Be the One who saves my life?

C'est la Fin.

2011-02-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

Worship is an ambiguous term, but it's probably best that way.

Derek Webb's album 'Feedback' includes a song that I cannot stop listening to. The project itself is "An Instrumental Electronic Album Based on the Lord's Prayer," and it is quite commendable. In the Christianity of today, it seems we are always exploring new ways of 'experiencing God', spiritual disciplines, and worship, etc. I suppose it reflects the culture of today - trying to experience everything in new ways. Or perhaps that's just a trajectory of humanity - we get bored easily, we don't like to settle, we think there will always be a better way to do things than the way of our parents ...

I'm getting off track. My main thoughts on this are: 1) Awesome. 2) I like worship without words. and 3) public or private?

1) It is simply awesome. I would like to listen to it on repeat while driving. First I need a car.

2) I like it when there isn't someone telling me how to worship. Yes we can learn through the words of a hymn, or center ourselves in certain words of praise, but I am still me, trying to connect with God. The sounds are moving, and engaging, and given the fact that it's a movement through the Lord's prayer, it is suggested at what part of the prayer we are in, but the music opens it to something more than a prayer - or maybe it's what prayer is meant to be ... felt within my bones, moving my spirit.

3) Is this a public or private excursion we should take with Mr. Webb? He's on tour right now with Jars of Clay, and while that sounds awesome, I'm also not enticed to see this in concert ... I don't know, perhaps it falls in line with how we say the Lord's Prayer corporately in Sunday service, but the exploration of prayer by these means seems kind of personal, no? This probably is more of a reflection on art for me - that art is a private event. When I create art, and it's honest art not a craft project, then it feels personal, vulnerable and telling. Prayer can be that way as well, private or public I suppose. I just don't want prayer turning into a concert, although I suppose all of us praying together would be a beautiful concert to God ... ?

I'll have to think about this some more. Listen below for your own time of meditation ...

Your Kingdom Come.

Reverential Treatment?

2011-02-15T13:37:00.000-08:00

The small group I lead up at Rutgers University has decided to keep one another accountable in daily devotions, and to do so, we've decided to read a psalm a day. I bought some awesome thin Moleskine journals for us to use, so that we are at least reflecting on something we've read each day.

Today is Psalm 5, which first of all reminds me of a favorite song that I cannot find a fair rendition of (youtube offers either country or 80's ... perhaps I'll have to record one of my own ...), but also brings to light a growing concern I've had recently.

Verse 7 reads: "But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple."

What is 'reverence' these days? How does our culture today treat 'holy' things? The evolution of Christian culture has centered on the accessibility of God, that Jesus wants a relationship with us, that God meets me, and is active in my every day. Fair, fair. But what about the fact that we're talking about GOD?!? Creation building, flood loosening, Fire from heavening, bush burning, covenanting, resurrecting, mountain trembling GOD ... I suppose a general observation would be that my peers, myself included, often entertain the idea that I take God with me wherever I go, not that God takes me everywhere ... I want to be of the mindset of the latter ...

I'd like to think that while yes, God is with me, I also must go and discover God in other places. I must go and worship God, "bowing toward your holy temple," reminded of God's great mercy. Reminding myself that this is GOD we're talking about, holiest of holy's, the one with wrath and grace all wrapped up together in a confusing loving parent who is unpredictable and the best at giving good surprises.

The Winter of Our Discontent

2011-02-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

The snow was melting, and then last Wednesday we had an "Ice Day," my first ever. Classes were canceled, at least for those who had classes on Wednesday, which I did not, so it didn't even matter. But having phenomenal cameras at my disposal, I made the most of it.

Also, while doing some cleaning I found this poem I wrote from the summer during my chaplaincy, and thought I'd share. I titled is "How Well I Know Myself," and I think I wrote it during a session in the Mental Health ward on the topic of 'Wellness.' Self-care is often an issue for all of us ...

I laid out plans of where we'd go
including who I'd be

I told you what I want in life
my expectations complete

But when you asked to put aside
my list of do's and don'ts

I wasn't sure just where to go
you left me inside out

I'd never taken time before
to stop and think about

My heart and head all things unsaid
before you pulled them out

I thought that caring for myself
had more to do with you

But consequently loving me
is what I need to do.

A quote becomes me.

2011-01-17T10:44:00.000-08:00

I found a scrap paper while cleaning with various quotes scribbled on it that have been meaningful to me. It reminds me how powerful the written word can be. In an age that boasts of technology connecting us to every thought we might have, I am reminded that my brain sits with things and processes them long after I've forgotten the written work. So many of these quotes have become a part of me, a part of my theology. I remember re-reading a Donald Miller book only to realize I'd been vocalizing my underlinings as my own thoughts in previous years, after first reading his work. Oops. I suppose I should apologize for the oratorical plagiarizing, but perhaps that's exactly what authors hope to do in their work - communicate ideas in such a way that when a reader tastes them and resonates with it, they make them a bit their own.

Some favorites (so I can recycle that scrap paper ...)

"The wretched and miserable should turn to their Saviour first, yet they do not hope in Him until all their hope is exhausted." The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas

"When God seems absent, he may be closest of all. When God seems dead, he may be coming back to life."

"The Israelites gave ample proof that signs may addict us to signs, not to God."

"But the Spirit whispers of a new reality, a fantasy that is actually true, one into which we will awake for eternity."

...from 'Disappointment With God' by Philip Yancey

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory."

William Barclay quote, ch. 21 of Yancey

"When there is no longer any opportunity for doubt, there is no longer any opportunity for faith either." Paul Tournier

"Thou thou with clouds of anger do disguise Thy face;
yet through that mask I know those eyes
Which, though they turn away sometimes
They never will despise." John Donne "A Hymn to Christ"

"Everything difficult indicates something more than our theory of life yet embraces."

George MacDonald

(I do have a feeling most of these come from chapter beginnings in Yancey's book...)

Rando Thoughts.

2010-12-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

I have not the energy to type all the things that are swimming around in my head. So, for brevity's sake, here are some of my nuggets of wisdom and amusement.

1. There are two kinds of people in this world. One says, 'the trash needs to be taken out', and the other takes out the trash.

2. Today I stooped low to the carpet for a good minute or two pondering whether the brown fragments on the floor of our hallway were coffee beans or rat poop, whether I should touch it or smell it. I used my shoe. Praise the Lord, they were coffee beans.

3. I think risk (not the game but the action) is underrated. We often associate it with life or death situations, but what if it just means asking good questions. Sitting across from a professor at lunch. Committing to something new. You never know until you try, and I'd like to see some more risk around here (and perhaps that last statement refers to both the game and the action).

4. What is the evolutionary excuse for Zebras and Giraffes? Those are creative miracles.

5. Never underestimate the wisdom of C.S. Lewis. In the end, he will get you.

6. For verbal processors, why can't paper options come in the form of an oral examination and conversation?

7. I wish riding horses wasn't such an uncomfortable experience. I put it in the category of corndogs, because corndogs always smell better to me than they taste. At a distance, it always seems like a good idea.

8. Why does leadership so often get misconstrued to mean charismatic persona? It's akin to the idea that the 'popular kids' are popular. Popular kids aren't popular, they're the ones that everyone knows and dislikes. A leader isn't someone who's up front suavely shaking hands and name dropping, true leaders are the ones in the system getting their hands dirty, and empowering the people around them. Let's be better leaders - mutual submission and relational encouragement. Come on church, be church!!

9. Let's stop playing games. If the only card you'll put forward is the 'you don't understand me' card, then we will not get anywhere. I need you to dig deep, and match what I am putting forward, my 'help me understand you better' card.

10. Acts 20:13-38

And lastly,

To Thine Own Self Be True.

2010-11-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

Everywhere I turn, in class, life, Bible, recreational reading ... if there is one piece of advice that the world seems to be throwing my way, it is to know yourself.

And I think the most frustrating relationships I have in my life are the ones in which the other party doesn't quite know who they are.

That's a stark judgment, but one that comes from hours of thought and consideration. If you're trying to be someone else by mimicking their language (either verbal or body), make a name for yourself in one way or another that doesn't seem to have congruence with the passions of your heart, if your trajectory in life seems to veer in different directions year-in and year-out, I think you might need to take some time to actually find out who you are.

My Pastor as Person course has me engulfed in counseling books, and all resonate with the idea of knowing yourself. Being able to listen to what drives you, motivates you, makes you react the way you do. Which is really fascinating once you consider all the parts of your life that have made you who you are.

My bottom line with this post is really the bottom line of Runaway Bride, however cheesy and ridiculous that may sound. But the premise of that movie (don't read if you haven't seen it, or do if you don't care) is that Julia Roberts' character doesn't know herself well enough, and has never been encouraged to know herself well enough in relationships to commit to marriage. Which, actually is a blessing that she never actually did get married to any of those men because she was the ultimate case of the people pleaser. Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I think back to that movie with deep consideration and appreciation for the question 'how do you like your eggs?'

All that being said, I think I know myself pretty well. But let's not kid ourselves, I'll continue to learn more about myself everyday, especially because my days involve other people, and you always learn in relationship. So do yourself and everyone else who has to encounter you a favor - take some 'me' time today and remember who you are ... oh, more great words from movie greats. Thanks Mufasa.

Happy fall.

What about when God DOES answer prayer?!

2010-10-19T20:57:00.001-07:00

Hallelujah, Salvation and Glory, Honor and Power unto the Lord, OUR God.

It seems to me that modern theology has taken over prayer. Rather than working from the concept that 'God answers prayer', we now come from the standpoint of 'what do we do when God doesn't answer prayer?'. I recently fell in love with a song by JJ Heller, in which the first words are 'I have unanswered prayers' ... and while I first resonated with the intention, I'm not sure I agree with the conclusion. Do I have unanswered prayers, or are they simply answered in a way I disagree with? Do I see the answers if they aren't where I'm looking for them? God is not as formulaic as we'd all like to believe, and is probably more creative than we give Him credit for. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for answers with those two pieces in mind. Of course, this probably breaks down around terrible tragedies, when we pray for healing and it doesn't happen. Duly granted. But most of the time my prayers aren't focused on the tragic predicament of an impending death (though perhaps they should be? Hmmm ...).

All this is to say I have had prayers answered. I've heard about miracles from friends' prayers. I believe I've had miracles occur in direct relation to my prayers. I have come to understand that God is a faithful God, but I suppose some may say that is me choosing to appropriate good fortune with divine intervention. Maybe it's something like choosing to believe God is a faithful God, rather than testing my prayers on Him first. I'd rather just call it divine intervention, but whatever.

In any case, I sit here reflecting on answered prayer, primarily because I feel blessed. Overwhelmingly blessed. By my family, by my friends, by my opportunities, by my gifts, by everything in this moment. This does not mean my life is devoid of death, pain, loss, etc. But it means I do, today, choose to remember how good I have it, I choose to recall how God has been faithful, I choose to recognize that this cannot all be due to chance. And, that someone deserves quite a bit of gratitude. In my opinion, there is no way I brought this on myself. So, once again,

Hallelujah, Salvation and Glory, Honor and Power unto the Lord Out God.

2010-10-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like a Mary in a world of Marthas. My studying happens, but I do not pride myself in diligence ... and no one said grad school was going to be easy, but no one said it wouldn't be fun either. So I am making the most of my time. Which also meant a trip to DC to see some WONDERFUL people - we had a dinner that was comprised of about 8 Seattlites (born or colleged there), what are the odds. We also spent time at the Air and Space museum, and saw the Declaration of Independence. I was so thrown by the wonder involved in pondering the universe (what in the what is dark matter...) and pondering the beginnings of our country. History and science, thinking about things too large to comprehend, and considering the movements of humanity in time. Sociology is so important, and yet rotation and revolution help maintain our lives ... I saw a picture of Mercury passing in front of the sun. WOW. Rings of Saturn, holy moly.

What is Chaplain ... reflections of the summer ...

2010-09-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

The words 'Chaplain' and 'Church' couldn't be further apart. Yet, they somehow resemble the same thing - spiritual care. The methods and mentality cause the divergence.

To be Chaplain - there is a humbling, and essence of humility that permeates the nature of a good chaplain. Rife with 'I don't know' and 'you're right, it isn't fair', a Chaplain learns to listen. And listen. They sit, not presuming to preach, teach, fix, or problem solve, but listen, and be. Every day the prayer becomes 'give us ears to hear' because there are untouched depths behind tears, voiced fears, angry words, the pacing of anxious feet, and eyes which haven't been dry for days.

And so, patients talk. But we aren't there to hear them talk, we wait until they share. The heart is vulnerable, and becomes honest with trust. We pose no threat, so when that is recognized, truth emerges. Past pain or regret, anger or confusion at times. We are all looking for answers, so what happens when we find out there are no easy answers? Some presume to attempt a solution anyway. I've learned to sit with the questions. Sometimes when we ask, we come to understand the reason for the question a little better. Curiosity met with curiosity allows human to see human. And to be a Chaplain, is hopefully to say 'nice to finally meet you'. It seems that to wear the other face of Church, we sometimes instead say, 'have you met me yet?'

This isn't a hula hoop.

2010-08-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

Summer is nearly ended, and I have barely blogged at all. Too much to think about and reflect on, it mostly goes in my journal. I'll try and write a bit more, but for the moment I'd like to revel in the surprise I received this week. But let's back up a bit - as someone who is pursuing ministry within the PC(USA), there are many, many hoops to jump through. Paperwork and interviews, interviews and paperwork. It is all modeled to be a fantastic way to be in conversation with someone asking the question, 'what is my calling in ministry?' and offers a great community appeal. But somewhere along the way it feels more like the circus with this hoop, and now this hoop, and yet another hoop, and then oh, you thought that was the last one? wrong! At least the hoops aren't set on fire ... well, maybe the last one is ...

And so I have been moved from someone asking the questions of myself in ministry, to the formal term of 'inquirer' (still asking the question of me in ministry, just with a fancy official title) and this week, my church has approved my move to candidacy. And while the titles and hoops sound sterile and removed from a personal journey, I cannot express the surprise and encouragement I felt upon fielding questions at the session meeting that moved me forward.

It's just one of those moments that gets you - where you catch a vision of the body of Christ and remember, oh yeah! This IS what it's all about. Elders, nominated from the church body to represent the church body - seeking after what it means to have Christ as the head, and discern the gifts we each bring to the table, and how God desires to use us. I love my church. And this week, I heard affirmation that they love me back. How cool is that?!?

My Life as a Hospital Chaplain.

2010-06-15T23:06:00.001-07:00

So far, my job is awesome. Aside from the sleepovers in the hospital where you wake up every hour thinking you're going to get called to be available during a multi-car wreck, it's pretty great. I get to listen to people's stories every day. I get to pray with complete strangers. I get to meet staff and patients and just be present for them. I also get free meals! But most entertainingly, I need to read up about my religious conspiracy theories, and so I have done some googling in order to prepare myself. This site seems to have the answers I need - in the fact that in working with mental health patients I need to know what I might be dealing with. I got the double whammy of Cain being the son of Satan and the UN being the onset of the Anti-Christ in one day ...

If I had the time ...

2010-06-06T17:06:00.000-07:00

I would read. I would re-read all my Tolkien. I would read the Silmarillion. I would read read read read ... more Marilynn Robinson, that Douglas Adams sitting on my shelf, the Henri Nouwen I still haven't finished, and pick up some books from that list compiled from friends suggestions that sits in my wallet waiting for that odd afternoon free when I might find myself mysteriously stranded at the Barnes and Noble.

But would I? Because given the time, I'd rather be with friends, catching up or simply hanging out ... when I find free time it's watching movies or making things. I'm doing a psych exam for my ordination requirements, and they always ask those extrovert/introvert questions of 'given an evening, would you rather ... a) be at a party with friends or b) spend time alone reading - SO what happens when you find joy in both? I suppose this is where preference comes in, but then it depends also on the reading, and maybe on the friends (ouch, that's harsh ... ).

Speaking of time, don't know if I'll have it. I suppose I do right now, since I'm sitting here in the blogosphere, but I've recently begun a position as a hospital Chaplain, which means a lot of reflecting after long days. Who knows what's coming for me in the week ahead, but I'm excited to find out. Anyway, this blog feels like it might be making it's demise soon ... I'll try and keep it around for the last year of Seminary that looms it's head in front of me - then who knows!

This time I'm not angry.

2010-05-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

First of all, GLORIOUS sunshine means reading books outside.
Okay, now to an update.
I started writing a post a while back in the heat of anger, and it just felt wrong. I was angry with what I felt was a righteous anger ... and it almost felt justifying to have it out over the internet. Almost. In the midst of writing it, it felt wrong - like in just writing it out I was focusing even more on my anger that shouldn't have been fed anyway, and my tunnel vision of righteousness allowed me to vent in public airways. That's not how that should work.

So I'm better now. And even more than that, I'm enlightened. This weekend I was blessed to be a part of a production called 'Space for God', which was a show written by a woman who is doing her PhD here at PTS, and it was absolutely phenomenal. I showed up only knowing the song they asked me to play as a vignette during a set change, and not even knowing what the show was about. But the pieces that she wrote were so stirring! It was basically 3 monologues from the perspective of different women in ministry, but not basically, it was much much more than that. The imagery that was brought to life through the characters, motion, and speech that they shared on the staged - I will be mulling over each piece for days, I'm sure. It is so beautiful to see words come to life in such meaningful ways. And although I like the theater, I've usually found it to be a distraction from life - a nice get-away (although harder/darker pieces mean probably not so nice...) but this had such depth to it, and was so close to home. PTL for the creative work of those around me. It was also a time for me to once again consider where I'd like to go in musician possibilities.

But here also are my recent adventures, since I don't keep up on here often at ALL.
My sis visited!

Trip to the shore! Sunshine and happy people.

Bonhoeffer.

2010-03-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read him you should.

However, I think in creating a thesis for the class I'm taking on him, I'm left a bit unsettled. But I suppose any good theologian would leave you that way. I'm left pondering what it means to imitate Christ, and what is identity ... ? Are we what we do? What we say? What we think? What we feel? What part of me is me, and will always be me, and what part of me is transformed by Christ as I try to lose 'self' or turn away from 'flesh' and all that jazz? And what does it mean to take up one's cross? Or bear one another's burdens? And how does this become wholistic and healthy for us and those around us? Riddle me this ... to me, it does shed more light on his poetry.

Well, on to paper writing.

Why.

2010-03-10T07:47:00.001-08:00

I haven't updated here in a while, and I've been considering why.

This place exists so that I can update people about what is going on in my life - but I'd much rather be telling them, talking with them, having coffee with them, writing letters to them, than posting general information about my life and various obscurities. In that way, how personal do these even get? To think that I am in some way connected with the people who read this is feeding a lie. It is the same with facebook and networking sites that allow us some confirmation that we are connected with the people of the world, when we're most likely sitting alone, possibly in a crowded place but still alone, reading about them and not talking with them. It's such a backwards response to our desire for community and inclusion.

I also am apprehensive to write because I don't know what the appropriate limits to sharing are. I'm very tempted to simply post quotes or meaningful messages from classes I'm taking, rather than share personal stories and ponderings, because those are me, and this is not how you get to know me. I often think about what it would be like to be a songwriter, novelist or poet - but that seems very vulnerable to me, and it's no wonder Keats died so young.

Well, thoughts, once again, publicly posted. About public postings. OH well. I don't know when I'll update this next - in case you are genuinely interested in my goings on, I am LOVING seminary, and it is probably a good sign that I am apprehensive about this public domain thing, because my focus is turned towards the communities that I am a part of, not the virtual ones.

I will leave you with a recent favorite song, though. My God My Father Blissful Name, by Indelible Grace:

My God, my Father, blissful name
Oh may I call Thee mine?
May I with sweet assurance claim
A portion so divine?
This only can my fears control
And bid my sorrows fly;
What harm can ever reach my soul
Beneath my Father’s eye?

Whate’er Thy providence denies
I calmly would resign
For Thou art just, and good, and wise
O bend my will to Thine
Whate’er Thy sacred will ordains
O give me strength to bear;
And let me know my Father reigns
And trust His tender care

If pain and sickness rend this frame
And life almost depart
Is not Thy mercy still the same
To cheer my drooping heart
If cares and sorrows me surround
Their power why should I fear?
My inward peace they cannot wound
If Thou, my God, art near

It's been so long I don't know where to begin ...

2009-12-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think perhaps twitter would be the better option, because I think about SO many things on public transportation. But this would also mean I would need some device to help me do that and it seems hardly worth the effort, and also rather self-centered ... but then again what is blogging?

So where to begin:
#1. I have not lost my sense of humor. Port-o-potties always make for a good photo op.
#2. So do NY Skylines. From Central Park.
#3. Halloween in 2-parts: a) Community Service b) Host Family service (?) of pumpkin carving!
#4. Painting is still a vice. As are dance parties. Here is our hall tradition floor finished!
#5. I think this is studying Greek.
#6. I still jump for photo's at monuments! And coerce friends to do the same!
#6. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving with Family. And the trademark Rabbit of the Arrowsmith clan.

#7. Here I feel Rachel and I have emulated what we believe is expected to occur at the Masonic Temple (of George Washington?) in Arlington, VA. Oh George, thou hast a mighty heavy head of steel. This made for a creepy and entertaining afternoon adventure.

Well that should be a rather good update of events this fall - very devoid of the thoughts that continue to wrack my brain, but I assure you all is well upstairs. Bottomline: Prayer is powerful, God is good, death is terrible, crying is sometimes necessary, creation is gorgeous, popcorn from the stove is undoubtedly better than gold, letters are bomb.com, music is essential, family is priceless, visiting friends in close-by cities is a must, cello's speak to my soul, and dance parties to Franz Ferdinand will pick up any day.

I am a loser. But I do not lose in silence. I stomp.

2009-10-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

I can only remember losing 3 favorite items of clothing in my life (there are probably more, but not as beloved):
1. A wonderful puffy pink jacket when I was 10. I can still remember exactly where I left it, on the stacks of chairs in the fellowship hall of Camp Orkila.

2. The most versatile layer you could ever own - the Black North Face vest, newly purchased and somehow easily misplaced. I probably had it for a few months and then poof - gone - no idea where it decided to go, or why it decided to leave. I do believe I have documented proof of its existence somewhere ...

3. Most recently, my favorite purchase of the summer - a bright teal cardigan of perfect size, shape and color. It accompanied me to weddings, was worn perfectly with fancy shirts and simple ones, and gave me just the right amount of warmth. But in some part of the unpacking process, it lost its way and is no where to be found. I have overturned the contents of my drawers and closet, hoping beyond hopes to rejoice as the woman did who found her lost coin, but alas, my misfortune as of yet has not become a parable.

So there you have it, a simple slice of my losing capabilites. I will not waste your time on the favorite chapstick that has also disappeared.

So how do we respond to such misfortune? We mourn, we share our grief with those around us (I have not yet built up the courage to even think of replacing the cardigan). But perhaps it is also appropriate to let out some of the feelings of outrage that come in the midst of losing things, and for this, my friends, I bring you to the art of Stomp/Step. Absolutely glorious. And perhaps it was more that I was able to completely forget about my lost items, and remember that I am found, and that rhythm and motion have a way of healing all wounds.

What are you trying to prove?

2009-09-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

Think about it. Even if your initial answer was 'no', is that truthful?

I spent some time on the subway yesterday, which of course is the prime place for people watching. So what is it about our wardrobes that we are trying to communicate to others? Is the ipod in our ears merely for our entertainment, or is it proving to people the luxuries I can afford? If I wear skinny jeans, or scarves, or many brightly colored necklaces, or shoes with my laces strategically untied, am I presenting myself or an image of something I want other people to interpret? On a somewhat related note, why do we sexualize everything?!?

What about in conversation. Everyone can smell a hypocrite a mile a way, and the Church being labeled the number one culprit in pop culture today, the odds can't be that good on a Seminary campus, especially since the stakes are a bit higher in the 'practice what you preach' category.

So who are we? What do we try to prove to other people about our identity by the things we wear, the words we say, and the people we claim to be? And how well do we know ourselves - do we listen to the pressures of society (whoever they may be) telling us who we should try to be?

Personally, I am refreshed that in my religion, in my tradition, and in my heart I have a savior who asks me to identify first in Him, and the rest will fall into place. Not easily, and not without the temptation to define who I am on my own. But at least I know that when I totally screw it up, someone already knows exactly who I am.

Truly this time, I went further up and further in!

2009-09-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

From the outside (channeling Lennon)To the Inside!

Through the windows of the crown!

Oh yes, we made it to the top.

Statue of Liberty. I am proud because we bought our tickets in June, and now they are sold out through December. WHAT A COOL DAY. This plus Ellis Island, AND knowing that I am fully capable of riding the public transit of NYC all by myself. WITH shortcuts/express trains. Whoop whoop!

And now classes have begun, and I'm learning why co-moderating two student groups isn't always such a hot idea, but at the same time why it's kind of neat - sometimes there's overlap b/t justice and worship. Who woulda thunk it.

Amazing grace I feel you coming up slowly now ...

2009-09-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what simply going to church can do. I'm not saying being a church goer is a quick fix for the problems of the world, or that a sermon will solve whatever ails you, but rather that there is something about a sanctuary and a community of believers that puts my heart at ease. I went to the 5 o'clock on Sunday, feeling all that anxiety and worry from my previous post, along with that awkward who am I going to sit with tonight? that begins in the parking lot and lasts as you pass through the double doors of the room itself. But taking my seat in a pew, on my own, there was a sense of refreshment. Singing with the congregation my mind left behind my worries, and I took some time to dwell a little longer in God's faithfulness.

I often hear the message that is so eloquently stated by Jesus in Matthew 11:28, saying:

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I'll hear that and I'll say to myself, what a great reminder. That Jesus will give us rest. But how is that put into action in my life? How often do I choose to take up His yoke, rather than providing my own - rusty and crooked as it is? On Sunday I stood and pondered this - What does it mean for us to lean and depend on Christ? And to me, it first means that I don't depend on myself. That is a scary yet freeing thing to do. To not depend on myself - I know what I'm capable of, I know how I handle things, I know what happens when I am in control. But what growth comes out of my smothering things to make them just as I want them to be?

Now, I also know what it is to depend on God, and it has so much better and fuller of a reward than I could ever make for myself. These responsibilities and positions I'll have this year are not my obligations so much as they are my opportunities to participate in what God is already doing. What a relief. THIS I can rest in. God's kingdom in the world isn't dependent on me holding up all the corners. God is big enough to bring it all together.

Oh boy, just another day, learning from the Teacher.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow

2009-08-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

At some point, you've just have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is.

I think I come from a culture that ends up being a lot of talk. The government should work for me this way ... or ... you know what's wrong with education today ... or ... if it was me I would have ... And in reflection of my summer and my first year as a grad student, I find myself in a position much like my culture: a place of critique and ambition. Yet in total fear of how I will actually put any of it to good use. It's easy to see what's wrong with a situation when you are well outside of it's grasp. And all the arrows are pointing at how it can be made better. But it gets a little scary when it turns out the arrows are also pointing at you to be a part of the change you desire.

I have all these brimming hopes to bring it all together at Seminary. So often, we as people, complain about community, during a move or a new environment - I didn't feel welcome, I couldn't be myself, no one was friendly - but how much of that is because of our attitude? First off, in new places we all desire to be liked, and not rejected. So step one? Like others, and don't reject them. Secondly, I so desire to have real conversations about faith and what it means to us, and what it is we actually believe. Not about doctrine really, or about which theologian said what, but a real tell all of why they are here. What is your 'call'? What is it about Jesus that brought you to this point? Step two sounds a little trickier, and seems to be a bit of a risk.

So to actually enter into these conversations - am I just a lot of talk? In the end will I put my money where my mouth is and let the gospel come tumbling out? I'm not so confident in myself, but I trust that the Holy Spirit will ensure that it happens.

Thoughts while away from blogging but amidst much travel.

2009-08-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

1. Rumble strips are a great idea, and are also a great way to wake students up for lunch without having to yell.

2. Why do we say things like, 'have a good flight!'? Do I have some sort of mystic control over the possible babies, turbulence, and airplane food (or lack there of) that my friend could encounter on her flight across the country? I suppose I do subscribe to the notion that if you go in with a good attitude you'll have a better time, but then should I shout instead, 'think good thoughts while on the plane!' or 'keep a smile on your face, even if your chair doesn't recline and your neighbors took all the elbow space!' ...

3. Is Satan real. I am re-reading The Screwtape Letters and am usually with C.S. Lewis 100%, so I think you know what my answer on the topic is. I encountered many youth in my internship who do not necessarily agree with me, and say that Satan is more or less the name we give to different temptations in our lives ... that is watered down, and rather unbiblical. What do they attribute evil to, what exactly is temptation then? Then what is the Bible talking about when it mentions Satan? I think this is a direct effect of avoiding the discussion of Hell, but when did we start side-stepping such strong stuff in the church today? We're afraid of Bible thumping so we simply Bible Thumb to the pages we approve of?

4. Upon returning from The Great Escape, a Jr. High week-long camp experience at a college campus, I have a few observations:
a) Shaving cream up the nose is absolutely TERRIBLE.
b) Chocolate milk is delicious, however you should stay away from dairy when you are susceptible to sinus infections and already have a cold.
c) I am SO frustrated when speakers continue the tradition of telling people what they should and should not do, while avoiding the question on everyone's mind, 'Why?' Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about porn (although some were actually too young to know what that is). Let's talk about body image. But let's talk about why you have value, why relationships are more than just a bodily reaction to one another, why God places restrictions on things ... I think their old enough to understand. Plus they've been asking 'why' to everything else for the past 10 years already. And I think some leaders need to hear it more than the students do!
d) I don't yet know how you present a great worship experience without also making it like a concert. This I shall continue to ponder.

5. Weddings are the best. Granted there was no dancing down the aisles, but at least there was dancing.

6. I still am trying to catch up on my sleep. And the sinus infection is now faced with a new competitor: The Neti Pot. I've probably talked about it for years, how you pour it in your nose to clear you sinuses, and how I wasn't sure I'd ever bring myself to actually do it. Well friends, the deed has been done. And it felt weird. But we press on.

7. Lastly, always take someone up when they offer you the use of their swimming pool.

Sleeping is a privilege, not a right.

2009-07-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

If there is anything that summer youth ministry internship will teach you, it is that very fact. You wake up earlier than everyone for breakfast or meetings, and you tell people 'shhh' until the cows come home, for they do enjoy their pillow talk. But most of all, someone has to stay up on the all-nighter to make sure couples don't sneak off, or overdose on oreos. Thus, my friday evening.

Last week I had the privilege of experiencing Montreat, North Carolina. A place I had only heard about from friends and professors, that when mentioned would bring a joyous glaze to the face of the speaker. Needless to say I had some rather high expectations on my way there (which was about an 11 hr van ride, so I had a lot of time to think about those expectations). On reaching the beloved mecca of the PCUSA, I wasn't sorely disappointed. We stayed in a nice little house, and drove in to the retreat center each day, which was sized just right, and beautifully situated among the Blue Ridge mountains. But worship? left a bit to be desired.

A Seminarian's Critique:
Montreat offers week long conferences in the summer to high school aged youth. This year's theme was 'The World On Fire' - potentially a great theme, but that all depends on how you use it. Is the fire good? Is the fire bad? It was never really made clear. I believe the intention was to explore both the good and the bad attributes of fire, but the message was bottom line, confusing. The morning speaker seemed to stay on the shallower end of her messages, which also had great potential but were lacking depth. The evening pastor presented a pretty good message, once you got past his meter and cadence. But both still operated from a position that everyone in the audience has a basic understanding of the gospel, when that is not true! And reflects a great injustice of youth ministry today - we assume that any child brought up in the Christian Church knows their Bible stories and therefore knows God, the gospel, etc. But Sunday school, it seems to me, does a rather poor job of making it real. Of bringing it home. So at places like Montreat it seems essential to revisit the basics of our faith - our sinful nature, God's redemption through Christ, what that means for our lives, and not just that last part. We got into a lot of social-gospelesque messages, which I am happy to encourage, because we need to be finding ways in which to help our neighbor whether it is at home, in our nation, or across the world. But if we don't have a central focus on Christ and a better understanding of who God is in our lives, then we can easily be misled.

Overall I loved the trip, but I think that was mostly because of who I traveled with. These students are phenomenal. My co-workers, there are no words to describe how wonderful they are. And they continue to surprise me with new gifts they have to share!

And given my general unsatisfactory attitude about the speakers, I did have a seminarian nerd-out moment over one of the sermons/talks. Put these two together: The tower of Babel, and Pentecost. It will blow your mind.

Oh, and there are no pictures because I forgot my camera in Seattle ... but they mailed it to me, so here I come, Great Escape!

Thoughts while on planes or in airports.

2009-07-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

1. Where are we all going, all of the time? That a flight home is oversold, even thought there are at least 3 other flights on this airline flying today as well as at least 4 other airplanes flying to the same destination? But really, how are so many people always in transit?

2. Why are we rewarded for frequent flyer miles? The obvious answer being the more $$ in the pockets of the airlines the better, but in this day and age post-Inconvenient Truth and amidst all our efforts for a greener world, air travel does TERRIBLE damage to the environment. But we don't really hear about it. No one is protesting it loudly, because we're all too busy planning our next journey. This is why we breathe toxins and a constant haze engulfs our cities and neighborhoods.

3. Why are plane boarding lines so different from any other line? It's true, it's like a giant merge lane. People hardly ever actually move to the back like in a proper queue. It's more of a conglomerate melding into every part of the line, and the thing is no one really minds or puts up a fuss! We all just accept it as routing. Perhaps it's the pre-assigned seating, but at the same time it's always a mad rush to get on board. "I NEED to get on there first so I can have MORE time to sit in a small confined are in which I will constantly lose my personal space for the next 5 hours." And WHO are those people who sneak on when their zone is not called and have an aisle seat? They're making it harder for everyone. And then there is the frenzy to get off the plane. Yes, let's all stand awkwardly tightly together while no one is moving because the plane just pulled into the gate. What? oh sure, I can hit 3 people trying to get my luggage out of the overhead compartment, no problem!

So what the heck, you're welcome, glad to have you with us!

2009-07-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to say I am a fan of the Music Man. No surprise there. How about Field of Dreams? Phenomenal. And how about Herbert Hoover? As of yet undecided. What do these all have in common? Iowa.

I just got back from a week-long mission trip to Iowa/Illinois doing disaster relief due to the extreme flooding that occurred there last summer. The trip was with the High School group in Westfield, 76 students in all, and it was phenomenal. We split up into teams of about 4 students per leader, and headed out to individual homes to start demolishing, repairing, and rebuilding the houses and lives of the people in Gulfport, IL. I love construction, because it makes you think (measure twice, cut once) and it is instant gratification (usually, unless you measure once and cut twice ...). For instance:

The completion of a wall! What are we capable of? Anything. We sided this whole house, and none of us have done siding before. Needless to say, we are a proud team. See awesome team below.
The house was for a man named Herman, who was the most interesting man from Germany I have ever met - one child of 13, outstanding sense of humor, and at least one brother who is able to yodel in German whilst wearing Lederhosen. Fantastic. I wish I had taken a picture!

But really, I loved the whole trip. It was emotionally difficult near the end though, as the current youth pastor is leaving after this summer, so it was her last mission trip with these kids. Rough, but beautiful to see a congregation so moved to tears at the thought of her departure. Sometimes it is very healthy to cry. On the other hand, I know that for my sister or me if we cry to much we get terrible terrible headaches ...

Here's a hole-in-one.

2009-06-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

I went with some friends to the U.S. Open last Monday during their practice rounds. I've never been a huge fan of golf, although I can appreciate the technique and skill it takes to play, and have for some reason found myself entranced watching it on tv, which in retrospect sounds rather unfathomable. Oh, but I did get hooked on Hot Shots Golf on the PSP one summer, so perhaps that explains it.

But one of the entrance requirements that Bethpage has is absolutely no cell phones. As we wandered around I kept returning to that thought - here am I in the midst of the age of technology, milling about with thousands of others - and none of us have our cell phones. How freeing that was! Overhearing businessmen (this isn't a sexist remark, it's just simply fact that my gender was outnumbered at least 4 to 1) discuss how their companies may be trying to reach them all day and they'll get nowhere, because they're actually forced to take the day off.

How attached are we to our technology? Perhaps I have my phone on me only in case of emergencies - but really I'm waiting for that text or that person to call me back about what's going on later. Maybe I take the day off, but is it really a day off if my phone is still on? It's really as if everyone's walking around with those funny child-leashes that some people think are cruelty to children, they just happen to be invisible this time.

I sometimes wonder what the total effect cell phones have on society is. Psychologically - are we worse at making decisions, because we have easy access to checking with other people first? With the iPhone and all it's upgrades, do we rely too heavily on technology for all our needs? With GPS, do we have any idea where we are anymore? I'm thoroughly convinced GPS makes people stupider - we should be able to read maps.

And lastly, I like Golf Courses (not for environmental reasons, I actually hate them for their water usage, etc., but we can get into that another time) since they are really large fields. Bethpage is huge, and as we walked from course to course, it was peaceful. Not having anyone on their cell phones (txting etc) means we actually get to talk with each other (what a delight!). It's a beautiful park, and how much time do we spend in parks these days? Go out and enjoy those trees. I don't care if it's raining, sometimes that makes it more special.

P.S. I LOVE my host family. We just spent some time competitively hula-hooping in the rain. Excellent.

Whirlwind

2009-06-13T07:27:00.001-07:00

One week back in New Jersey, and it has been absolutely phenomenal. Update? You got it.

1. Dave Matthews Band on the Today Show - My friend's dad is one of the producers for the Today Show, so we had the hook up for seeing him play last friday! WOOHOO! Aside from the fact that the entire time I was home it didn't rain once and I returned to Jersey for rain, and the fact that I was rather stuck behind a bunch of guys well over 6' tall, it was an awesome experience. I even saw the inside of the studio for the show! And Matt Lauer was there!!

DMB!!!
MATT LAUER!!

2. Puppy sat Bristol. Didn't take any pictures because my time was spent catering to Bristol - Puppies take a lot of attention! It was enjoyable, although I am very releived that it is over. I spent a good amount of time watching movies and 1.5 seasons of How I Met Your Mother. OH, and seeing UP! SO GOOD!
Good friends and 3-D glasses.

3. I moved to Westfield, NJ. It is awesome. My job is awesome (Youth Min. position for a multitude of trips we will take over the summer - awesome). I think all in all, at the moment, my life is awesome. I have an incredible host family, that cooks incredible food, and we have incredible conversation. Incredible, are you getting the picture? I hope so because I haven't taken many pictures here yet so you're going to have to use your imagination.

4. I had to pee into a cup for a drug test in order to work at the church. There is a first time for everything.

5. BEST CONCERT EVER - The factors:
---a. Josh Ritter
---b. Played with the NY Pops (orchestra) - amazing.
---c. FREE
---d. In Central Park
---e. Glen Hansard accompanied
---f. I got a sweet poster.
---g. Did I mention it was Josh Ritter?!?!?
---h. Oh, and we saw Chet from the Real World: Brooklyn, on the way back to the subway.
Yes, that is Ritter, the band, the orchestra, and Glen is over there on the right. The weather called for thunderstorms, but God knew better. PTL.

I have a confession to make.

2009-06-01T22:33:00.001-07:00

I love people. I know, I know, this may not sound new, but hear me out. I'm the person who actually figures they can actually somehow know everyone in the city of Seattle. I think my favorite day would be walking around town, and never going a block without stopping to chat with a familiar face. In Seattle. This city is very large. But some part of me totally feels like it's possible - pure optimism. But how can you not hope for that? People are so interesting, and each person has their own story to tell. I love people's stories. The only problem is there are so many people in the world, and only so many hours. Yet we press on.

A year in review

2009-05-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently I can say I've finished a year of grad school. That makes me feel old. So what does a year of grad school entail?

#1. Balanced Living.
I have no fear for myself in living a balanced lifestyle. Because if I can do that in grad school, I'm pretty sure I can do it anywhere. Movie nights? check. Frequent playing of games? check. Still getting good grades? check. Still love Jesus? check. I think I wrote those in the exact opposite order they should go in ... In any case, I do worry about those around me. Mostly if they are deciding to be pastors. If they choose to be academics and PhD's then by all means, lock-up in the library and solve the historical crises of the world (are there really such things?). But if we are called to the church, then the question becomes, what is the church while we are here at seminary? And that is a lot to consider. We have our field education placements, and our involvement with Sunday worship if we aren't in field ed. But if we place our focus there, we've tended to our 'church' needs just as the general world does. My Sunday/weekly ritual of spiritual involvement. If this is truly a seminary in which we are living into the call to be God's people, God's hands and feet, then potentially it should be the most enriching, edifying, and corporately empowering place in the world. Yes it's a grad school, but if we are studying missiology and practical theology, shouldn't it be our response to live it out? I don't understand. The lack of involvement in student organizations or events. The lack of motivation to build our community into a true Christian community. It seems there is no escaping those who would rather sit back and point out the problems in a community, rather than 'be the change you wish to see in the world' (Ghandi). What if in some way we are called to be catalysts. Why isn't a seminary the hub from which change pours?

#2. Milkshakes.
Not the kind that brings all the boys to the yard, but the delectable ones that involve chocolate and vanilla, and cooling off on hot days. Milkshakes are delicious, and a delicious way to hang out with people. And a delicious reward for playing an excellent game of Euchre. Perhaps at PTS, milkshakes proved to be a nice forced break for people. Stop what you're doing, talk a walk to halo pub with some of your favorite people, and grab a cold one (or, what I prefer to a 'cold one'). I think it's also just a nice reminder of how we should take time out of our busy schedules to spend time with one another. Dorms offer instant community. As do dining halls. Milkshakes make you work for your outing, set aside some time, put some effort into spending time with people. I like that.

#3. I like the word 'transitive'.
Change is always occuring. The other day Hillary (and Heraclitus?) said the only constant is change (of course I refuted that with gravity, but I'm pretty sure I know what she meant). I love change and I hate change. Change means people are different, places are different, with different people in them. That can be beautiful and terrible. I love meeting new people, but I hate losing the ones that I already love. And keeping in touch is hard, not to mention impossible when change involves death. But I am of the age of transition. Graduation, job hunting, opportunities, travel, volunteering. Young/Emerging adults are transitive. So how do we stay grounded?

#4. Most technology is self centered. Doesn't that make our culture self centered?
iphone/me-phone. Facebook/keep-up-with-me. Blog/my-other-thoughts. Twitter/now-you-know-when-I-go-to-the-bathroom. Myspace/myspace. Everything is virtual which makes us virtually interact with everything and everyone. At a recent conference we discussed how self-focused young/Emerging adults are, but when does our culture grow out of it? It seems like 'today' is reinforcing our self-focused habits more than ever. I'm writing a blog for heaven's sake. I'm gonna go spend some time in my journal. And a real book. And maybe a newspaper.

Oh, I suppose #5. I love home.

Holy Week: a Reflection

2009-04-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

A foot washing service puts the attendee in an interesting position - the beauty of serving one another and remembering how Christ served/s us ... while also letting someone touch your feet. And feet are a delicate issue! I sat at the service on Thursday evening, tucked away behind the piano, offering contemplative music while my friends and peers took turns washing each others feet in the way that Jesus did before Passover. In silence (aside from the sound of my keys) an individual would take a seat, their feet next to a bowl, and in silence another individual would rise and come to them, place their feet in the bowl and proceed to wash them. There was no set order, nor forceful coercion to have each persons feet washed. It was an ebb and flow of service. I know many who passed up this opportunity for the very awkwardness of the task - either I am washing - touching - someone else's feet, or they are washing mine. But perhaps it is this awkwardness that helps us today to understand a little more the radical nature of what Jesus did. And we need to let ourselves experience the awkwardness in the same way that Jesus ask us to accept his act of servitude. Man, what a guy.

I can't remember if I've ever been to a Passion play before. I've been to my fair share of Easter Services, but I cannot recall a Passion play. Trinity Episcopal put one on, starring the best and brightest of their youth - I'd say the range in age was about 3-12. I didn't know what I was in for! There was of course the joy in seeing a child memorize their lines, the humor in seeing centurion soldiers wave at their parents in the audience, but I did not anticipate the jarring sensation of experiencing a multitude of children screaming 'Crucify Him!' at the top of their lungs. One moment they are smiling, half paying attention, and the next they are exactly that crowd in front of Pilate, bartering their savior for a murderer. However disturbing it may have been, I think it accurately portrayed what happened that day so many years ago. We all know how a crowd can take on it's own personality, luring it's members into unison, whether or not they understand what it is they are doing - the adrenaline and the movement is just too appetizing. And then it always leaves you with the question, where would I be in that multitude, mouth shut or fist in the air? ...

I have always had an admiration for the Lutherans, so for Good Friday I joined them for a service. I think Good Friday services are simply great. Perhaps it's just a recognition that in church we are never given the opportunity to sit and reflect on a passage. We are read the passage, and then told what it means or how we should try and think about it (at least for that week). But how refreshing, to read the Passion narrative for what it is, and sit in it for a while. I think we should do that more. We are much too uncomfortable in silence. How many times do I experience 'moments' for silent prayer that let me get as far as 'dear Lord' in my mind and are then interrupted by the lay leader giving the communal prayer. Let's sit in silence with our Lord.

What ARE you supposed to do on Holy Saturday?

HE IS RISEN!! What a joy to proclaim that to my peers on Easter. I may be on a seminary campus, but I do not feel the freedom to pronounce God's greatness and faithfulness to friends as I pass them by on a daily basis. Nor do I feel that excitement about Jesus would even be warmly welcomed. But on Easter, the doors are open, and the joy is free flowing. I LOVE being able to proclaim that HE is Risen and be affirmed by those passing by. A different way to share the peace. Oh, and I went to my first Sun-Rise Easter service - 5 in the morning, yet phenomenal. I have to admit though, I think the 3-hour nap afterwords really completed it.

And now it is time for finals. I do believe that Jesus saves, and therefore I cling to the hope that some grace will be extended to these exams ...

63 Degrees, I'll Take What I Can Get.

2009-03-27T14:17:00.001-07:00

I made this card for my friend Erin, but I thought I'd share my sentiments at the moment. I want Spring. But, I fear this may be an overzealous desire, as I don't know if I want to sign myself up for whatever a 'Jersey Spring' might have to offer. I like my 'predictable' Seattle weather, and in that sense, that I know how to layer appropriately. Are we going to experience the kind of humidity that makes it hard to breath? No thanks. But today it was sunny with a high of 63, so the Seattlite in me threw on a pair of shorts and my Birkenstocks.

In other news, I experienced for the first time the phenomena of 'Bowlioke', which is in fact karaoke at a bowling alley. I have no idea why I haven't seen this before. But let's just mention that I may have sung Britney Spears, as well as High School Musical, and so it was a full evening.

My life has been otherwise occupied with The Tempest. PTS is putting on a production of it which will be performed next week, and most of my evenings in the past month have been overridden with props and pretending to be a sea nymph, whatever that means. All I know is I dance around like waves in the ocean, or bark like a dog ... a graduate student indeed.

The effects of the hot glue gun are astounding.

2009-03-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

I acquired a new toy. The hot glue gun. I do believe I have wanted one ever since I knew they existed. I am now a proud owner. What finally pushed me over, you ask? Art day in Pennsylvania is what I would like to call it. We visited a studio in PA that may or may not have been what I would think heaven is like. Every craft you can think of - paint, tissue paper, nick-nacks, glue, pastels, charcoal, enough brushes to last you a lifetime. So what did I do with such a gift? I ...
... and I ...
It was fabulous. And now I can't stop doing art, which is dangerous because I still have work to do. Granted, it is a 'reading week' which means no classes, and essentially people take it as a spring break, but I would like to do SOME studying. :) We'll see ...

Women's Art Show

2009-03-01T05:09:00.001-08:00

I think I will entitle it 'Surrender'. Title somewhat inspired by the Downhere song 'Surrender', but concept for work my own. The show's theme is 'Restricted Expressions' - expression we find to be restricted in the church tradition ... so interpret it how you will. I really want to explore more with mixed media.

If I could write the world a song.

2009-02-18T13:59:00.000-08:00

I wish I was more of a writer. Doesn't it seem that the strengths you wish for yourself aren't the strengths you've been given? I have a passion for writing music, I just don't know how or what I would write. So I have a passion for wanting to write music. I think it comes out of a dislike for the worship music we hear over and over again at gatherings. Which is kind of funny in itself, because I would probably complain if only songs I didn't know were played - unless they were great songs with a solid sound and thoughtful lyrics. Which is what I would love to write. I think it's a desire for contemporary hymns. I'm obsessed with the song 'This Road' by Jars of Clay, of which the lyrics are:

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

---I love it. I find myself picking up my guitar as a 'break' from studying which generally lasts longer than anything that should be called a break. I also 'helped' lead worship last night at our 'contemporary' worship service - I say 'helped' because no one came, and I say 'contemporary' because the songs were all circa 2001. Now, here is the dilemma. We sat brainstorming what should be done to encourage people to come, and amidst encouraging better advertising, I feel a need to move towards better songs. There are some newer songs that I love, and would love to bring to corporate worship. But isn't there a problem when I start loving songs? Once I was told, 'careful Becca, don't worship the worship'. It was in jest at the time, but those words have stuck with me because I easily love music, and I wonder sometimes if I enjoy worship music at gatherings because I love the music or if I'm really worshiping God. It can be hard to separate the two.

I know there are times when I have felt totally free during a worship service to praise God or be honest with God, and not be distracted by the voices around me, but distinctly touched by the words we sing, understanding what they really mean. And I hope that's what I can offer, that if I am worshiping through these pieces so can those who gather with me. Perhaps I should just stop worrying about what other people want in a worship service, and recognize that God works amidst our body of believers. Most of the time it really is us allowing ourselves to let go of ourselves and be listeners to and participants in something that is greater than ourselves.

Pheeling Phaint Phor Photographs

2009-02-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have a love and not-hate-but-somewhat-dislike for photography.

I would love to take photography all day every day every where and all the time. You can be so artistic with shots, and creative with angles, colors, patterns, people/faces, etc. But at the same time you're only capturing a moment, and not even a moment if you think about it - it is a flat representation of reduced reality. This is why we moan and groan on family vacations when the designated photographer must document as much as possible. The rest of us pull at our hair, make faces, and present our case that we should be enjoying the time we have, not by taking pictures, but by actually making the memories. In the end I think we all are a little thankful that certain events do get plastered to the paper, despite the agonizing minute it took for the picture to be taken.

My not-hate-but-somewhat-dislike side comes in when I think about how meaningful the subjects of the photo are. With nature or inanimate objects I have no real opinion, but when people enter the frame everything changes. To photograph someone is such a blessing and a curse - you have an opportunity to attempt to capture them - and I mean them - in a single spot for eternity. To try and communicate who they are through a still image. This is a challenge, but part of me also thinks it's a disgrace. You can't hold a conversation with a photograph, laugh with a photograph (well perhaps you can, but you will look quite strange doing so), build memories with a photograph ... I guess when I see photos of people, it makes me ache to know them. Especially if the photographer has captured them in a unique way - and then I wish that photographs could respond. Perhaps J.K. Rowling wishes the same thing.

2009-02-04T20:02:00.000-08:00

Back from 'break'. A week of no classes when the dining hall closes and there is still work to be done doesn't really sound like a break, but I'll take what I can get. I did finish a book, I spent some time in Pennsylvania, and watched a few movies, which is what break is all about.

Now it's back to classes. And I'm excited. It's always nice to see all the familiar faces back on campus (since many were absent over Jan-term) but it's also got me thinking about how I want to engage my seminary experience. A friend and I have decided that Wednesdays over breakfast we will come together with whoever would like to join us, and discuss theological issues. It's basically "let's talk about our frustrations/questions dealing with theology/whatever else we hear here in class that we have not yet unpacked" time. A time that I wanted to designate, because often at meals people are having time to zone away from classes. And in small groups you get a bit more personal. And I want to utilize the time here to ask my peers questions about salvation and Jesus and spiritual warfare. So, today we met and it was great. One reason I'm excited.

And one cultural comment about seminary for today. I don't think I've mentioned this one before, sorry if I have. It feels as though there is a sort of grasping onto pieces of the world - as in holding onto any and all secularity (just made that word up). It's almost as if it's uncool to proclaim a love for Jesus, which seems so backwards. This doesn't go for everyone, but it seems pretty commonplace. It more just makes me feel like we're taking this weird Christian community thing for granted. We don't have to live all goody-two-shoes Christian, I mean, honesty doesn't have to look good. But we also don't have to head the other direction. I guess I'm just hoping (and this will probably seem random) that people are really engaging who they are and who they want to be, who God is calling them to be, and are not giving in to who they think they are supposed to be.

Music and Poetry

2009-01-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

Because some people know how to sing/say it better than I do.

Instead of a Show - Jon Foreman

I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands

you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands

Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around

give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show

Coming to God: First Days - Mary Oliver

Lord, what shall I do that I
can't quiet myself?
Here is the bread, and
here is the cup, and
I can't quiet myself.

To enter the language of transformation!
To learn the importance of stillness,
with one's hands folded!

When will my eyes of rejoicing turn peaceful?
When will my joyful feet grow still?
When will my heart stop its prancing
as over the summer grass?

Lord, I would run for you, loving the miles for your sake.
I would climb the highest tree
to be that much closer.

Lord, I will learn also to kneel down
into the world of the invisible,
the inscrutable and the everlasting.
Then I would move no more than the leaves of a tree
on a day of no wind,
bathed in light,
like a wanderer who has come home at last
and kneels in peace, done with all unnecessary things;
every motion; even words.

Janu-airy

2009-01-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

Short terms are interesting. This is my first experience with one, and I'm not sure what I think about it. Cramming 10 weeks of information into less than 3 is quite a task, and staying awake for 3hrs of lecture every day does prove to be a challenge for me. I very greatly appreciate the class (Presbyterian History and Theology), but also the extra's that accompany this short term.

During a usual semester, we have the opportunity to attend Chapel every day at 11:30. But during the shorter term, we have morning prayer/evening prayer options. I decided to go to morning prayer the first week, which is itself dedication as it is at 8:30am - perhaps not early for you but early enough for me. :) The style of the service is from the Book of Common Prayer which in essence means high liturgy and very structured. My first impression was that it was rather dry - to read in response words printed for you on paper, to hear the monotonous voices surrounding you droning through the Apostle's Creed, and the pristine words of the speaker that have lost most of their conversational quality in the attempt to present a more holy atmosphere.

But is this not the epitome of judgement?

As I vented my self-righteous opinions about how I like to worship, Margaret was good enough to point out to me how much I was missing the point. What is worship? What does it mean to pray? What is prayer? I found myself swimming in the terrible current trend of 'what's in it for me?'. I can't stand that. I was looking for what I wanted. I was focusing on how I worship. I wasn't listening or praying about anything really, I was too distracted with what I wanted to get out of it. Why is there so much me all the time? How do I find myself there so often?

Well, I've been back. Every day. It has been glorious. I can't explain it, it's as though that first day I had the evil spirit of criticism hovering over my shoulder that wouldn't let me experience the Holy Spirit in that place. My mind open, my heart refreshed, the words on the page mean something different. The practice of speaking the scriptures with my brothers and sisters is a new experience. Worship and prayer are bigger than I am. How marvelous.

It makes me appreciate structure in some ways - how we may not want to do something, yet should do something. When we don't feel like praying, perhaps that is the best time to pray. Although I may not like the service at a church, let's look for God in it anyway, because He's there, and I just need to listen or pay attention. Let's all get off our high horses about wanting what we want, and try wanting what we've got.

As Time Goes By ... this is not your mother's british sitcom.

2009-01-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

Nearly a month. And New Years passed. Weeks of leaving you in anticipation of what I'm up to (yeah right) + New Years MUST = countdown.

10. Christmas needs a caroling.

9. One of the times I tried to take the bus. As most of you know (like I really know who 'you' are) that Seattle has difficulty operating when it snows. The whole city suffers from this. But this day was just a little cold, and a little icy. So what gives? My bus was late. I had places to be. So I drove. But I still miss my old bus stop, almost as much as my bus missed me ... which was by about 10-15min. In any case, it wasn't as bad as the second time I waited, in a good deal of snow, for a shuttle that only appears once an however-long-it-takes-to-loop-the-neighborhood. Rescheduled THAT coffee date.

8. The San Diego Zoo has been an obsession, dream, and hope in the past 15 years of my life. This winter, that dream became a reality. And this is proof - a baby panda sleeping in a tree. It wasn't exactly like the interactive CD-ROM I received from my uncle so many years ago, it was simply better.
7. Sisters. This picture speaks for itself.
6. DISNEYLAND. AT CHRISTMAS. Need I say more? Aside from the fact that Nathan looks hilarious in this photo? Was he unprepared for the fun he was about to have that day? Possibly. Bonus: Innoventions - High School Musical Karaoke. You're right, I did need to say more.
5. Family attack! Let's just say the last time I slept in this house was when I was ... 5? That's much too long. I love my Aunt and Uncle. If you ever get a chance, visit Madrona Marsh. And if you ever get chance, play stinky pinky. It's a riddle/word game, that apparently means a lot of harsher things when you google it, so better just ask me about it ...
4. Family ... again ... and they should really be at #1 but since this is more of a timeline than a countdown, and they've already got #5 and #7, I think you get the picture. But really, THIS picture explains my family.
3. When I come home, I often smell like coffee shops. I actually went straight from Javasti to Zoka one day. But I love meeting with people! They are so interesting, you should get to know some. Catching up is the best. I am so thankful for the questions asked, the feelings expressed, the laughs shared, and the way my heart feels full.
2. That's one way to say goodbye - how often does Mt. Rainier actually show up to wave goodbye? My Great Aunt and Great...Cousin (?) have visited a number of times, and I think it was only on visit #4 that it actually showed up and wasn't covered in clouds.
1. And we're back. Class? Presbyterian History and Theology. Actually much more interesting than that groan you just let out. But I am here with a new perspective - reminded of what life at home is like, in some ways a refresher of who I am and what gives me life. And here I am asking myself if I'm living like that here. I think overall I feel a lack of spiritual fervor. I don't want to judge, and it's literally impossible when talking about other people's spiritual lives, but sometimes I just feel like theres a lack of energy for the gospel, no real recognition of the wonderful gift we have been given, first in Christ, and then in the fact we get to study all that follows from Him! I just want to see that faith is real to people. Maybe I need to show people that my faith is real to me.

I Found the Rain down in Southern California ... like Toto only different ...

2008-12-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

You know how sometimes when you go shopping, and you somehow end up looking at the TV's and you have about a 5 min standstill because you can't believe how big they are and you just have to take a moment to take it all in ... my Sis and bro-in-law have one of those. And right now I cannot think of a better way to really kick off my Christmas break than watch movies on this giant, and I am quickly realizing everyone and their mother is in the movie Galaxy Quest.I'm in San Diego, enjoying the rain? This weather is wacky - 50 degrees in Jersey, snow in Seattle, rain in San Diego, what is going on. Either way, finals are over and I've finished my first semester in Seminary! I came home Sunday, and it was fabulous. I was able to catch up with some friends Monday and left Tuesday for San Diego!

Coming from a life elsewhere and returning home brings with it many contemplations.
#1. Not only do I get asked how seminary is, but I have to say I feel some pressure to qualify my school. At home the stigma it has of purely academic and lacking ministerial qualities runs rampant. Or at least at times it feels that way, but it could very well be one of those things you always feel you need to justify when really people are just curious. Either way, I really love my school. It isn't perfect, but then again what is perfect? It has it's problems, as we all do, which in some ways makes me think it's healthy. I don't know exactly what people are looking for in a seminary as a whole, because just like everything else you're going to find a problem with it, and then the question is really - what are you going to do when the problem arises? If you want to know more, let's meet for coffee. But bottom line, I am truly enjoying my seminary experience.

#2. Sexism. I've always realized it as an issue, but not until now have I really seen it as my issue. In academia I feel like it's almost healthy competition - to show equal aptitude (if not superior :) ...), or not even take genders into account but function simply student to student. But I don't see how that can really happen in the real world. Gender always plays a role. I realize race as well, but we'll leave that for another time. Earlier this semester we had moderators from PCUSA's General Assembly come for a Q & A, and one lady raised a point about how sexism is still an issue - as men and women graduate with their MDivs, and start looking/waiting for a call, male candidates find placements quickly while women who are equally capable and in some cases more so, are still waiting. I don't really need to start worrying about this for a couple years, but the fact that this is still an issue is surprising. Perhaps a more fitting complaint would center around dress code. Just think about it. For working in a church, or any profession really, the expected appropriate attire always seems a few steps up for the female. Skirts, heels, fitted shirts/blouses. And this in relation to a man's polo shirt and trousers? hmmmm ... All this to say I don't have a solution. I know this country is making changes, and I know that in individual cases it isn't that big of a problem, but it's still a problem. Just another one of those hurtles in life, I guess. I just know that some day I want to write a book - a book so good people can't ignore how good it is, and therefore won't really even care who wrote it but will just be thankful it has been written.

#3 How do you make sure to be yourself wherever you are? I can never be completely sure. There are always those small things you forget about yourself until you're around those people who bring it out in you. Hooray for sisters!

Bostacular

2008-12-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving - Boston style. I really like Boston. I think I could move there and be happy. Granted, I could probably move a lot of places and be happy, but it's such a nice size for a city, and nearly surrounded by water which is fabulous. I miss seeing a lot of water around. OH Seattle - only two more weeks before home-time!

Anyway, I went with my suite-mate Margaret to visit her Uncle and cousins, which was really fun, and it was fun to simply be in a family atmosphere. We didn't get to see as much of Boston as I would have like (like Cambridge for instance ...) but that just means I'll have to go back! It's amazing how much history can be in one place. I mean I've been to Europe, but this is like birth-place-of-our-country history. In a sense all of this only existed in my 7th-12th grade US history memory. Now it's alive again! And just like it looks like in National Treasure ...

So now back to work ... I actually am quite busy this week. I joined a group on campus called Seminarians for Peace and Justice, and as today is/was World AIDS Day, we organized a Taize service in the Chapel. Along with that, I organized the Alternative Christmas Market, where we are selling fair trade products and alternative gifts (like $10 donated to the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen), which is awesome but needless to say, a little time consuming. Here are some of my products, if you're interested ...

The bottlecap earrings I've made to support my friend who's living in Bosnia (thus 'Bottlecaps for Bosnia'). I love making stuff. And the card on lower right I designed to go with donations to local organizations. I love making stuff. Did I mention that? Hmm ...

I also took a fabulous walk today with my friend Rachel Daley. She is fabulous, and all around very much fun. I like seminary a lot. I love learning what I'm learning, engaging in heavy theological and ethical discussions, and generally this community. Also challenging a community like this to be aware of the world around them (locally and globally) through things like the Alt Christmas Market or the Taize service. We need to be agents of change. And that goes for each member of the body of Christ, not just those destined to be the workers in the church, but definitley them for sure.
Oh and please pray for me, I'm suffering from a severe case of camera lust. I love love LOVE photography, and would LOVE a new camera. But if I had one I probably wouldn't get ANYTHING done.

Uh oh ...

2008-11-19T14:17:00.000-08:00

The Word of the Lord:

"Hear, my child, and be wise.
and direct your mind in the way.
Do not be among winebibbers,
or among gluttonous eaters of meat;
for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty,
and drowsiness will clothe them with rags."
-Proverbs 23:19-21

Thanks be to God.

Well, given my last entry - apparently partially about winebibbers - and given my addiction to buffalo wings (and the way I inhaled them last night), the outlook is grim. Yet on the other hand, maybe it all makes sense, because no one goes into ministry for the money ... well, I mean I could probably name a few ...

Pictures for fun:
I forgot to mention a Hodge Hall tradition - we have a painting at the base of the stairs that is re-done each year, themed for the girls from our floor, and painted in community. Hooray for floor art!
Hello fall! Miller Chapel from the inside and out. Apparently it made Martha Stewart's top 10 places to get married ...? I don't think she realizes half the congregation won't be able to see anything ... but it is gorgeous!

I just don't understand these phenomenons ...

2008-11-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

1. Karaoke - カラオケ
What is it about our age bracket that screams 'let's sing in front of strangers!'?!? In perusing facebook photo albums of my peers, and seeing the culture first hand (yes I went, but I have yet to sing ... apparently it's only a matter of time) it just seems that the 'just graduated college' crowd through to probably 'I'm gonna have kids soon' age have a fascination with Karaoke. It's just strange. Especially since whoever made up the books for Karaoke should have been edited, by the 'these songs should NEVER be sung at karaoke because they are too long and slow and long' editor. But that apparently did not happen. Most of the time it feels like that bad dj you experienced at a wedding once. Playing somebody's classic song of romance that no one wants to dance to, or can even remember the words too.

2. Beer, Beer, and more Beer,
I can understand a beer. Maybe a couple beers. But when it becomes a 'necessity' for having fun, or rather the phrase turns into, 'I haven't had enough beer to party yet' --- What is that about? If you like the taste of beer, you shouldn't be abusing the amount of it. And at parties, people delude themselves into thinking a party isn't a party unless you have alcohol. What? Are you sure? Have you ever tried that before? Because they can still be pretty awesome. I mean heck, we could all just pretend like we're drunk and probably have just a good a time, and not be regretting it in the morning. If I were in psychology, I would say that most of these people use it as an excuse to act a little crazy. But what if we all just decided to act a little crazy anyway ... boost up the confidence level a bit, be more comfortable with our awkwardness because we're all a little awkward. Worried that you don't dance well? I'm pretty sure majority of people don't dance well. With the right amount of creativity and excellent facial expressions I'm pretty sure people won't care if you're even in time with the music.

3. Girls Who ...
My suitemate and I have begun a list. It's more of a list of attributes we find rather destructive that we would not like to emulate, and feel are unhealthy for other girls to form. That being for themselves, for guys, and for the girls they leave in their wake. For example, girls who overtly flirt with many, many, many boys, and have very, very, very few close girl friends. It's probably obvious how the former effects the latter, and I could probably go on forever about how I think it's affected society. Yet I feel that throughout history women probably have used the same tactics, so this isn't anything new ...

4. Gunshots in songs? Who thought this was a good idea?!?
Paper Planes. I am morally opposed to this song. I don't even know what the point of it is, after reading the lyrics - which also makes me wonder what the younger generation even does with lyrics, but that's probably an age old question as well. But seriously, gun shots - like we don't desensitize our culture enough? I was at a party, of seminarians mind you, and the song comes one, the hand-shaped-like-a-gun goes in the air, and everyone has a good time. REALLY!?? All I could think was, if this was on in a club, and someone got shot outside, no one would know ... I just really, really do not like where this is going.

Words words words ...

2008-11-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

My days have turned into something like this:
Wake up, go eat meal, read, go eat meal, read, go eat meal, read/realize I won't be able to focus on more reading so watch movie with friends. That is a lot of reading. And the hard part is most of the time I don't know if I actually understand it, and am dreading the idea of having to read it again. This usually has to happen as I go fishing for quotes to use in my paper.

It always makes you wonder as well, if you wrote like the authors you are forced to read, what kind of grade you would receive. I'm convinced that if I wrote a paper like Tillich writes, I would get an automatic rewrite. Not to mention he's used 'concupiscence' at least 5 times ...

e.g. from Michael Crichton's (RIP) history (via wikipedia):
Crichton admitted to having once, during his undergraduate study, plagiarized a work by George Orwell and submitted it as his own. According to Crichton, the paper was received by his professor with a mark of "B−". Crichton claimed that the plagiarism was not intended to defraud the school, but rather as an experiment. Crichton believed that the professor in question had been intentionally giving him abnormally low marks, and so as an experiment Crichton informed another professor of his idea and submitted Orwell's paper as his own work. ^[7] His issues with the English Department led Crichton to switch concentrations from English to anthropology.

And lastly, try to keep a straight face when your prof uses this in lecture:

de⋅my⋅thol⋅o⋅gize (demythologization)

[dee-mi-thol-uh-jahyz] verb, -gized, -giz⋅ing. –verb (used with object)

1. to divest of mythological or legendary attributes or forms, as in order to permit clearer appraisal and understanding: to demythologize the music dramas of Richard Wagner for modern listeners

2.to make less mysterious or mythical so as to give a more human character to: to demythologize the presidency.

–verb (used without object)
3.to separate mythological, legendary, or apocryphal elements from a writing, work of art, historical figure, etc.

New Shoe New York

2008-11-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

You may think I have an addiction to traveling to New York by now, but I tell you it is not ...

I visited yesterday to check out a church that I would like to do my field education at, called West End Presbyterian Church, just next to Columbia and Central Park. I met with the pastor earlier this year, as well as the current intern, and am pretty excited about the opportunity. It's very different from home/UPC: the congregation is very small and very diverse. But it almost makes it feel like a family! I am more or less excited simply for the opportunity to adventure into new territory and see what I can learn. And Spanish might be on that list ...

Bianca and I also got to see Atsuko, a friend we know from our summer travels/UPC as she and her husband Pat were in town for the NY marathon. I canNOt imagine running all over the city, let alone longer than 5 blocks ... kudos to all that do. I really only run away from things. I ALSO bought some sweet new kicks for $10!! unbelievable, please see below:
And lastly, a few highlights from this week:
In speech class yesterday we were each to read a piece of scripture, and mine was a part of the sermon on the mount. I would like to say that preaching is one of those things that I may be a little to critical about, because I feel like people should be both engaging with the text as well as real with the people they are speaking to. And this often doesn't happen. Too much theatrics makes it unrealistic and too human/buddy buddy removes the pure wisdom that the scripture can have. You know what I mean? So I'm hoping that the way I choose to read my piece falls in the good balance. Reaction? Let's just say that one peer of mine said that if I were to start a cult, he would join.

Oh, and I joined a contemporary worship group on campus called 'The Well' and I get to lead worship next tuesday! I've just realized that this is kind of a dream of mine ... getting to be on a worship team, and then actually getting to lead one night! Woohoo! I've got to go practice then ...

...should I have mentioned something about the elections and this momentous time in history? Because Obama is great, that is all acknowledged, but I'm ready to see what the next 4 years actually have to offer. And I'm a little pissed with Washington's voters on other issues.

Reading Week ... riiggghhhtttt ...

2008-10-26T20:38:00.001-07:00

So midterms are this week. In preparation for that, the school gives us the week prior off - no classes, use this time to study. Study? Really? Alllll week? hmm ... I do have two papers, a take home midterm due and two in-class midterms upon my return, so it would probably be in my best interest. But when fellow students call it 'fall break' and the people you work for on campus laugh a little when you say you're going to study, it loses it's studious luster. Now don't get me wrong, I wrote a paper, I had full 5 hour study sessions ... here and there ... but who says that can't happen alongside a trip to NYC, another to Washington DC, and of course the highly anticipated release of High School Musical 3: Senior Year. Let's just say my week was rather phenomenal.

Met up in NYC with a friend for the day, visiting from Washington (state that is, they always seem to get that wrong over here ...) via Virginia. Took a free trip sponsored by the American Jewish Committee to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum which I would highly recommend if you get the chance. In my opinion my visits to Dachau and Normandy were more impactful, but this one does a really good job of taking you through the Holocaust from multiple angles. However, this being on Thursday (and a 13hr trip) I wasn't quite in the zone to go see HSM3 midnight showing as some would expect me to - sorry to disappoint. BUT I did see it Friday, and I am very VERY pleased with the outcome. I recommend it almost as highly as a trip to the Holocaust museum ... almost ... I'm sorry, I just can't help myself ... I am more than a fan, and I am well beyond 15yrs old, but who cares ...

2008-10-20T21:28:00.001-07:00

On Reading.

2008-10-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

The words I never knew:

Anathematize:
a·nath·e·ma·tize [uh-nath-uh-muh-tahyz] -tized, -tiz·ing.
–verb (used with object)

1.	to pronounce an anathema against; denounce; curse.

–verb (used without object)

2.	to pronounce anathemas; curse.

Cupidity:
cu·pid·i·ty [kyoo-pid-i-tee]
–noun
eager or excessive desire, esp. to possess something; greed; avarice.

Concupiscence:
con·cu·pis·cence [kon-kyoo-pi-suhns, kong-]
–noun

1.	sexual desire; lust.

2.	ardent, usually sensuous, longing.

Thanks Augustine, I'll try and incorporate these into my growing vocabulary. Or maybe not.

From my window.

2008-10-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

I like seeing the seasons. This tree is now nearly bare. Which is sad, but also a marker for seeing the way things change, the way life changes, and I know I'm not stuck in the same old routine, but that something new is about to begin.

Those moments.

2008-10-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get those moments when you relate absurdly fictional characters to Biblical ones? I mean, let's just take a look at the anointing of Kind David. It's like Ender's Game in a way, how Ender is more or less pre-chosen whereas his sister and brother were rejected - and for good reason. But 'they' knew it by the time they were like, 6! And how many times in reading Harry Potter did I come to the conclusion that all he REALLY needed was Jesus ... but that's another story.

Do you ever have those moments when really all you want to do is add things to your Amazon shopping cart, not that you're actually going to spend that $80 on cd's, but those things seem like they'd just be such great items to purchase? Or you basically get infatuated with new music (well, new-to-you music) that you've found because 'listeners also bought' them and you actually somehow fit into that category because Amazon is totally getting it right ...

Do you ever have those afternoons, full of good intentions of studying, which turns into studying with friends, which turns into studying with friends at a nearby park, which turns into great discussions of the pressing topics of our generation within/out the church, and no studying actually gets done, but you feel like you just grew up a little, or have a greater vision for the future?

I guess today was all of those moments ...

The sun and the rain and the appleseed ...

2008-10-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

For being from a state that ships it's apples all over the country, I honestly can't remember a time I visited an apple orchard. Raspberries, sure. Strawberries, definitely. Apples? Maybe I just don't remember because apples aren't quite as delicious ('Red Delicious' should not be named delicious. Golden on the other hand I can understand). But orchards are great! 3rd Hodge (my dorm floor) traveled to Terhune Orchard for some apple picking! It was an attempt to bond, as well as to bond with 4th Hodge, from which about ... 2 people showed up. So 10 girls and 2 guys, hey - odds in their favor. The apples were delicious, and if you eat them in the orchard then you don't have to buy them ... I mean you've got to taste to make sure the product is good, am I right?

I also got to borrow my friends excellent Nikon SLR for the weekend, so we'll see what kind of photographer I'm turning out to be ... I think most of my talent was in photo shop ...

I'm also making more jewelry. This is mainly to raise money for my friend who moved to Bosnia this past week for a 2-year commitment with International Fellowship of Evangelical Students (IFES), but really it's a guilty pleasure. If you see something you like, or know someone who might be interested, let me know. I'm thinking $10 a pop, (they come in pairs, unlike in the picture. I mean most people have two ears ... sorry Van Gogh ...) and any more would be generous donation to my friend Jessica and her mission in Bosnia. Here's a pic of what I've got so far!

"At the blast of your nostrils the water piled up"

2008-09-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

I just found my favorite verse from Exodus (so far). It hails from ch. 15 v. 8a in case you'd like to take a look for yourself. Did God sneeze the Red Sea into parting? You tell me.

I don't think I've ever read this much in my life - which is in a way very taxing, but also rewarding not only because I'm learning things but because I can't think of a better sense of accomplishment than finishing a book. That actual cover-to-cover moment of truth. There should be a parade every time that happens. But it almost feels like there IS a parade because it's rewarding in itself!

But with much reading comes its exciting and ever present comrade, procrastination. Therefore I make cards, do art, modge-podge leaves that are beginning to turn so I can put them in my room, and paint those 3-for-$1 IKEA frames that are so easy to decorate. The opportunities really are endless. I'll try and contain myself, but here's documented proof that I was not studying at 11am today, and was in fact creating a tiny photo studio on my desk ...

In Water, Was I Spoiled.

2008-09-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

A Psalm.

The refreshing waters of dewy mountains
Sweet springs of life attached
How I lament the absence of thy presence
In this land so far away.
I had taken for granted the fresh flowing joy poured out from kitchen faucets
And now taste the bitter tinge of Jersey flow from glass or bottle alike.
Oh! For a Brita to return it's taste, and make sweet the earth's milk.
But alas, for the cost of such a deity would be too much from mine own assets.
A memory, sweet memory, is what flows on distant shores
And is held in the hearts - and belly's - of so many.

Selah.

In The Beginning ...

2008-09-19T10:41:00.001-07:00

Who knew seminary was such a party? I can't tell you how many people I've met over the last week and a half. No really, I can't tell you because I don't remember at least half of their names. But I'm getting better! Classes are awesome, and to put to rest all of those who worry about my faith and love for Jesus while I'm here, fear not. In one of our orientation meetings one prof said something along the lines of, "contrary to what your family, friends, and pastors may have told you back home, we are not out to destroy your faith". And its true! The faculty is amazing, the student life is hoppin', and SO friendly - and worldly! Iceland? Malawi? Puerto Rico? We ate lunch today with Hungarian theologians. What?!

So aside from the book store not having a book that we are required to write a paper about due next Friday (Barth - very heady) everything is amazing! ALSO this week the NJ transit offers FREE - I'll repeat that - FREE rides for students! So, of course I went to NYC for the day on Wednesday, when we basically have no class (don't worry, I'll get all my reading done). Pictures? SURE!Taking the 'Dinky'Bead stores galore!

A Glass elevator! at the Mac store. It was awesome.
Get it? Enchanted? In Central Park?!?
I've heard a sermon on this one - couldn't resist.

And so you have it. And today we had a dance party. What a way to start the year. And hey, look we've decided to decorate our suite with paper cranes from the ceiling!

Is a member of the public library!

2008-09-11T13:23:00.001-07:00

Look! Physical proof that I am in Princeton. Well, kind of. I guess I should take a picture of me holding it ... I WAS going to scan my ID card but then realized that probably wouldn't be a good idea ... having my student number, name, and picture who knows where on the internet. Mhmm, it's official I've started using my brain again which is good since classes start Monday.

It's weird though, going through the orientation process again - only this time they call you Juniors even though I have not been previously through 2 years ... but I did pass through 2 time zones so maybe ... ? And then your second year you are a middler - which I think sounds Tolkien-esque but then again I'm half wishing to get both a Masters in Divinity AND Divination, so maybe my brains a little different.

Alright, heading out to the Presidents house - yeah that's what happens when you're in a class of less than 150 people - wow I was just informed of that and that is ridiculous after UW.

It's the Final Countdown ...

2008-09-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

Okay. Here we are. Less than a week until lift off. The coffee dates and last goodbyes are trickling into place, and the suitcase is on the brink of explosion. Leaving/arriving on the 8th. Well, apparently according to the Beijing Olympics (and my Chinese heritage?) 8 is pretty lucky, so we'll see how this goes. For a first taste though, check out the picture I have of the apparently prophetic road signs near my neighborhood. See you on the other side!

Just flew in from London ...

2008-07-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

Well, time to get back to regular life. But that also means not living out of a suitcase, wearing alll the clothes in my wardrobe (not all at once...), and eating out of a refrigerator. There are benefits to everything. Some last entries about the trip with pictures:

Gathering for our tour at the Acropolis, early in the morning. Best way to beat the crowds and the heat, as well as make it to Corinth for the afternoon
The Acropolis in the morning
Our "normal" photo ... I was going to have them pose grecian style, until a lady came up and told us "normal pictures only " ... sheesh ... we were pretty upset. Or at least Vancil and Hil are, Bianca's just doing here hair and Peg's being conversational ...Walking in the footsteps of Paul, right? Well here I am walking in CorinthAnd here is a view of CorinthAnd what would at trip to Greece BE without a good ol' bungee jump off a bridge in Corinth? Hey, they did it in the Amazing Race!And the Canal ... I was NOT about to jump this ...So after Athens, B,H and I still had a day in Athens. We went with our friends Mark and Greg to see some of the sights on the ticket we'd bought for the Acropolis the day before (it included like 6 different places and was good for 4 days ... not wasting that). And it was HOT. What relief to go to London! So much cooler, AND everyone speaks English. But here's the flight from Athens to London ... ewwwwww feeeeet ... Even better all the SIGNS are in English!! Woohoo! We met up with one of Hillary's friends and stayed at his house in Lewisham. I love taking the Tube, I like walking around London, I love Hyde Park, I love the theatre (more than the theater), pubs, HP sauce, heck I should just move there someday. We visited Hillsong London on Sunday night ... ... met up with Greg again since he was also stopping in London on the way home and had delicious Indian food. MMMM Indian food. We also met up with Bianca finally, and unfortunately all she ever got to see of London was from the Underground ... you win some you lose some. We then visited Hyde Park, the Whole Foods by Hyde Park, Peter Pan in Hyde Park, and ended the day with Les Miserables!!!! WOOOHOOO!!! I brought my book just in case. It's SUCH a good book, and SUCH a good SHOW!! Recommended for sure.
Well, I don't know if more will show up here this summer, or if I'll just show up again when I start Princeton in the fall. We'll see! Hope you've enjoyed the pictures, and maybe a'll see you soon!

Hummus isn't actually Greek ...

2008-06-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

Here we are! In a hotel in Meteora, a place with amazing landscapes – giant rock formations like pillars, and monasteries located at the top! In the past your options of visiting these places included rope ladders or being ‘wenched’ (pulled) up in a rope basket/baggy/hammock type deal – and these are HIGH. I don’t think I would have visited these back in the day. But now we have buses and roads and stairs and bridges, so hooray!

So we are a bit into our tour – we started in Athens on June 26th, and we met up with the rest of the group at the airport (that was a couple hours late) and checked into our hotel, got EXTRA excited about the fact that people delivered our luggage to our rooms, had some free time (for shoe purchasing?), and a great dinner. Our hotel also has a roof garden which is where we watched the Eurocup match of Russia and Spain, and has this view of the Acropolis...

Next was our departure from our hotel to the harbor to begin our 3 day cruise through the Greek islands and to Turkey! I’ve never been on a cruise before, and however cool they may be I don’t think I ever want to do one again. I mean, there are better ways to travel, and I don’t particularly enjoy spending long amounts of time lounging in the sun (or worrying that I’m going to burn) on the boat while in foreign countries – I feel like I can do that at home. That’s my family mentality speaking for me – I know that’s pretty much ideal for most people ... but it was relaxing. Another reason for not doing a cruise again is I felt like I was ALWAYS eating. And maybe I was, but from my family perspective if there is free food available you are going to take advantage of it and if felt wrong not to. So I needed to practice a little more self control. That is agreed. I am also becoming more aware of how my family has influenced me...

We sailed to Mykonos, a very beautiful and tourist driven island; to Rhodes, which is mentioned in Paul’s travels VEry briefly; to Patmos, where John heard the word of God and received the revelation for the last book of the New Testament; and Ephesus, which is the receiving city for the letter to the Ephesians, and has some significance in Paul’s ministry as read in the book of Acts. It was VERY hot in Ephesus, bordering 110 F, but we got air conditioned buses so didn’t have to endure too much. It is so amazing to see these places that are so ancient, and are all in ruins – I wonder what it looked like thousands of years ago, as some of the terrain is different since bodies of water have receded or moved since then. And it almost feels like it’s out in the middle of nowhere when at the peak of its reign it was a bustling hub. Also only a small portion of the city has even been excavated – the majority of the city has still not been unearthed! Our guide says that most excavation work is done in the summer – but that doesn’t really make sense because it is SO hot. Which is probably why when we drove by a patch that looked like archaeologists may have been working, there was no one in sight … popsicle break or something...

Tomorrow we head to Thesoloniki, but tonight we stay at a fabulous hotel – sometimes these package tour deals are worth it. What a contrast to bed bugs and laundry tabs. Here are a couple pic's I've taken lately to wet your pallet ...

A wall photo from the Island of Rhodes - I love seeing these old stone engravings, they've lasted through the years and still remain beautiful. This was along the Avenue of Knights, I believe. I should probably keep better track.

Our boat in the sunset! It's huge, and I still feel like I'm on it at times, and that was only a 3 day cruise! Quit the rocking already!

Ephesus! Hot and amazing. Our tour group is gathering in this photo, I think you can see Gaff. We took a moment and sang 4 verses of Amazing grace in this theater - the same theater mentioned in Acts when Paul was being yelled at because he was preaching against the use of idols. History right in my face and under my feet, just the way I like it.

1. First Class Hotels, 2. Breakfast and Dinner Included, 3. Air Conditioned Motorcoaches

2008-06-25T11:46:00.001-07:00

OHHHH boy, tomorrow we meet up with the UPC tour, and I canNOT wait. AS the title are three of the top things I'm looking forward to. Well, I guess I'm looking forward to ALL of it but those are special bonuses that have not been seen on this trip thus far. Well maybe the breakfasts.

So we'll see if I'm able to update again before the trip is over - stay tuned.

Here I will divulge some pictures, since we're pilfering free wi-fi from somewhere nearby, and I don't know when that'll happen again ...

Magnificent view of Salzburg, good place to read, and was a location in the Sound of Music when they are learning to put words to the notes they've learned. When you know the notes to sing ...The train ride from Salzburg to Zagreb. Gorgeous.

This is Dubrovnik. Yes places like this actually exist. Ancient meets paradise.

This is us sitting at a cafe on at cliff that overlooks the Adriatic and the nearby Island, Lokrum which we went to and LOVED.This is us being hot from walking on the walls around the Old Town. It was hot. This may or may not have been a breakfast choice one day ... if you know me at all you can figure out the truth.These are Bianca's sunglasses, and they tint pretty nicely, so she made me take pictures through them.This is one of those pictures. And I think those glasses were just 5 Euro at H&M!!

This is one of my favorite moments in Vienna, buying the metro ticket, and finding exactly how I felt on the screen. One of the best things in Europe - translations into english. Oh, and getting to see Anna Hackett was AWESOME.

That one time we almost lost Bianca ...

2008-06-22T09:08:00.001-07:00

Salzburg, amazing. I visited most things Sound of Music, and even watched the film at our hostel one evening! Fabulous. Bianca and I hiked one of the hills to get a spectacular view, only to find it's one of the views in the movie too! I'd add pic's but I'm at an internet cafe ...

So we headed to Zagreb a couple days ago, and firstly I would recommend the trip simply because the views from the train are spectacular. You get SO high up, and can see the mountains and the small villages that are nestled in the valleys below. All I could think was 'places like this really exist?' And they do. Wait 'til I get to where we are now.

Zagreb was great, you should go. We met up with some friends of Hillary's that she knows from the Balkan Task Force at UPC as well as from ROM. They have two very adorable girls, one of which enjoys ice cream very much, but apparently not as much as her chin, neck, and shirt. They invited us over to their apartment to watch the Eurocup match that night that was Croatia vs. Turkey. This was when we almost lost Bianca, as we had to catch the tram and after Hillary got on the doors closed and ... Bianca didn't make it. Her motto that day, hug a tree. Hillary went back and got her and we laughed about it. The Eurocup match was an amazing game that went into overtime and Croatia scored with like, 2 minutes remaining. It was amazing until Turkey scored a goal 2 seconds after the game seemed to be over. And then it was penalty shots and unfortunate events ensued. BOO Turkey. Shameful win.

Now we are in Dubrovnik, AKA paradise. It is GORGEOUS here. You HAVE to come. It's hot and breezy, right on the Adriatic, has lots of ice cream, and an Island we went to today to just swim and rest and swim and rest. And I haven't burned! Yet ... we could say we almost lost Bianca again as she got a scrape on her knee that was a little concerning during a 'swim' section of the day, but that would be a lie as she's fine and bandaged ... she might have a weird tan line ...

We leave in a couple of days for Vienna, a short stop on our way to Athens to meet up with the UPC tour group. SO excited for that - people carting us around, no more figuring out for ourselves what we need to do or where we need to go. Freedom can be overbearing sometimes. :)

Until then! I don't know when internet will happen again, but hopefully it'll mean pictures.

24hrs in Munich is NOT enough.

2008-06-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

We really only had about 24hrs in Munich, and Munich is awesome. Plus they have a really great coffee place that sells real size cups of coffee. IT's fantastic. But it's still Germany so check out what their cups look like:So yesterday (not the Hilary Duff song, or the Beatles song, ACTually yesterday) we were able to go and visit Dachau. There's this great organization called New Europe that does free tours in English in many major cities in Europe, and they offer other specialized tours for a reasonable fee done by the same guides that lead the free ones. They are pretty fantastic. And so it was that we did a tour through them to visit Dachau. What an experience - it's interesting how much of our trip has been about WWII, and it has been absolutely fascinating and strange to be able to stand in these places, learn more about their history and what happened in the very environment you have entered into. Dachau is basically the only concentration camp that was functioning the entire 12 years the 3rd Reich was in power, and Hitler's reign seems to have somehow revolved around it's functionality. It was also the model camp for other camps in Germany, and trained many of the guards that went on to run camps elsewhere. I'll put some pictures up, but you should really visit for yourself:

Many memorials have been erected so that we never forget what happened here, and make sure that nothing like it happens again. But are we really aware of the ways humans are treating humans in other parts of the country? The Nazis were not the first to think of concentration camps, and even today human rights injustices continue to occur in countries that don't make it on our daily news.All of the barracks in Dachau were removed in the 60's, as they were in very poor condition after the war and also after being used as a refugee camp - there is no way to really understand the living conditions these people experienced. The refugees were Germans who had fled to neighboring countries during/before the war, and were forced to return after - getting a first hand glimpse of what they were trying to escape.They have built a model of the barracks for you to walk through, and it show the 3 different stages that Dachau experienced - from housing 50 men in one room, to around 70, to nearly 500 when other camps were being evacuated and moved to central Germany.

What an interesting journey! We met a new friend on the tour as well, Shannon from Montana. She's pretty awesome (Shannon if you're reading this, we think you're pretty awesome!). So we stopped by our favorite coffee spot before leaving for Salzburg:And now we are safely in Salzburg! Needing to do some laundry, and needing to see EVERYTHING possible that was in The Sound of Music. That last part may only be my personal goal, but we'll see. The Eurocup is going on now and there is a game IN Salzburg TOnight, that's pretty exciting. To tide you over until we have some pic's to share of Salzburg, here is a staple item, the Mozart Ball - It's delicious. Mozart Balls are chocolate, hazelnut, marzipan and pistachio put together in a little ball of heaven. Feel free to throw in a 'That's what she said'.

I heard it through the Glockenspiel

2008-06-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

We are safely in Germany! We traveled to Munich today, and this is the first time I can say the phrase ‘I just flew in from Paris’. I’m not sure if I ever want to say that again, just because the rest of France was better than Paris. Yesterday we made the drive up from Fontevraud to Paris (Orly, so south Paris – I would NEVER want to drive IN Paris – Yikes) and we were fine until we came to the point of exiting freeways and trying to find our hotel. I have never been more lost in my life. The only map I had was that of the Metro since we knew there was a Regional Express line that ran near our hotel … it’s the second time this trip we’ve left it in the hands of God and gone to our nearest helpful human and asked for help. Both times we’ve gotten help from Mappy.com – something like google maps – but it was very much not helpful because the signs in Paris SUCK. They are tiny and usually not visible or not to be found. I can only think that Jesus was having a good laugh, and then decided He’d help us find it because we got so lost we found it. I have no idea how. And then we nearly got lost trying to find the airport today but we’re finally OUT of Paris and couldn’t be happier.

Munich is pretty awesome – I’m bummed to only be here for 24hrs. We head to Salzburg tomorrow (SOUND OF MUSIC!!! I’m totally renting a bike …) so our time is limited. We did walk around today and had the privilege of hearing the Glockenspiel at 5pm – it’s basically a giant cuckoo clock set inside a building. No seriously, dancing men and jousting knights, and all promenade before the cuckoo clucks the time of day (which technically here shouldn’t it cluck 17 times because of Europe’s choice of the 24hr clock?). We plan on doing a tour of Dachau concentration camp tomorrow and then head on to Salzburg. OH I’m excited. Until then! Sorry no pictures … here’s something from paint … Now back to watching the Eurocup.

Fontevraud

2008-06-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

Must-See France list:

1. Normandy - it's beaches, D-day sights, beaches, cemetery and beaches. Did I mention the beaches? Because they are phenomenal.

2. Mont Saint-Michel - it literally looks like something out of a snow globe. Until you go into it, then its life-size. But check it out! It's unreal, an Abbey built on an Island!

3. The Loire Valley. Are you kidding me? Places like this actually exist? We turned a corner and we crossed a bridge that overlooks a river and behind the river is a town on a hill with a Chateau and ... wow. I feel like I'm in the movie Ever After. Only I looked up that Chateau and it's at least 2 hours from here, and probably not worth the gas.

4. This Abbey - Fontevraud L'Abbaye. We're staying here. See link and picture.

5. Anywhere but Paris. No seriously. Get out of the tourist track and into real life. And visiting Lille and our missionary connections was really one of the best things EVER.

Ready, set, go.

Lille

2008-06-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

So we made our way out of Paris, but weren't able to see Notre Dame - due to some delayed departure as well as the fact that it took us about 2hrs to figure out where to buy a train ticket and to stand in the right line. The machines in the station don't work with credit cards from other places because the ones here have some sort of chip with a code in them, so they are for the European elite to bypass the nasty lines the tourists have to wait in. secretly i think that's genius, but don't tell my fellow travelers i told you so ...

We arrived in Lille around 4 yesterday and were picked up by Ali, a missionary we found connections to through UPC's Fred and Ardi Lupton. He brought us to his house, and introduced us to his familly - wife Francoise, sons Nathan, Theo and Raphael (4,7, and 1 respectively) who are adORable. Ali took us (along with Theo and Nathan, who decide even if we don't speak French they will rapidly speak it to us anyway) to the main office he works out of with his ministry, and for a short drive around Lille. We also met some people he works with, and Martin who is from Seattle will be taking us around today. All in all it is very nice to be with people from here, who we can talk with about their ministry and lives here, and can take a break from the life of a tourist (which would be a terrible life and I would never wish on anybody). Plus it is rainy which is actually nice because it reminds us of home, or at least grounds you in the idea that other people call this home. Weird that rain can have a sort of reality check kind of effect.

Movin' On Up ...

2008-06-06T00:22:00.000-07:00

We are saying goodbye (and in some cases, good riddance - see post below, or just ask us about laundry in Paris - but that's a fresh wound so give it some time) to Paris today. The hope is to get one last glimpse of Notre Dame and then hop on a train to Lille which is north of us, and is home to some missionaries we are looking forward to meeting and staying with a couple of days. I am very excited to get out of the heart of tourism and meet some locals who are doing God's work in this country. Here are some parting gifts that Paris has left us with:

Hall of Mirrors at Versaille - The treaty signed to end WWI in 1919 was in this hall!

In the gardens of Versaille - fountains are all the rage.The grounds of Versaille are quite extensive, and secluded spots for jumping pictures abound.Jumping pictures are necessary at the tower! It took us at least 20 tries, and we actually have good ones in the air but I just LOVE this one.Goodbye Paris!

The Good News Is ...

2008-06-03T00:20:00.000-07:00

Yes yes, we all know that the good news is Jesus. But on an update from Paris, I must give you the other good news - we are staying at a Marriott Courtyard Hotel! Now, to go along with this, as well as a puzzling credit card statement that my Mom may stumble upon later, here goes ...

We arrived in Paris on Sunday afternoon/evening, deciphered the Metro system: (thanks Daddy, I think because of you I get a strange exhilaration at the challenge of figuring a new one out EVERY city we travel to) and headed to our "hotel".

http://www.booking.com/hotel/fr/hoteldelaterrassepar.en.html

There you can see it online. Here is our picture.

They also display a brochure depicting pictures of the rooms and lobby unlike anything I've actually seen in the place - a very flagrant display of false advertising. And if you search for availability it says it is fully booked. It is a cheaper hotel, roughly comes out to 20 Euro per person, or 60 for our room each night. But as you walk into the hotel you realize THIS is NOT what I had in mind. No elevator, a smell of glue, men putting in new carpet along the small winding staircase, and our room being on the 4th floor did not bode well for our stay. We reached our room (after much huffing and puffing) to find a room not much bigger than our beds, and a bathroom - very tiny - whose door cannot open out all the way without runing into one of the beds. Okay ... I guess for 20 Euro each, this isn't a bad deal, we paid more at our beautiful hostel in Luxembourg. We also realize that hey, this is just a place for us to sleep, and we will be out on the town most of the day anyway. It's got beds and a shower therefore good enough for sleeping.
So we headed back out, stayed out until about midnight, and came home to crash. At some point during the night either Jesus or Hillary's stomach woke her up (we think mostly Jesus, but you can decide), and she used the facilities, only to find while she was looking in the mirror, a bug crawling up her neck. YES, a bug crawling up her neck. She quickly trapped it in the sink, checked for others on her body, and moved to scope out the rest of our beds. Bugs on the pillows. In the bed. Not a ton of bugs, but more than 5 which sure feels like a ton of bugs. Picture necessary:

EEEEEWWWW. She was taking pictures of them for proof to show to the reception in case they wouldn't believe us when we complained, and I woke up from a flash from her camera. I turned to ask her if everything was alright, and she somewhat calmy replies, 'um, there are bugs in our beds ...' and Bianca and I needed no further instruction to jump straight out of bed and try to brush off any bug that may have still been in contact with us. This was at 4 in the morning.

We all head downstairs to see if the reception is open, or at least if we can use the internet in their lobby, since due to some quick thinking Bianca thought of some possible alternatives of hotel options since her step dad has points with Marriott that he never seems to use. PRAISE THE LORD. We head down and find a sleeping receptionist who we promptly wake up and attempt to communicate about the bugs. Difficult between either no French or no English, but creepy crawly sign language and a trip to the room were enough to get the message across. It's a good thing Hillary trapped two in the sink or he might not have believed us. But as we came back out from the viewing in the bathroom there was one on the pillow, so case solved. Meanwhile Bianca is madly trying to connect with family over the internet - interestingly enough facebook chat came to our rescue, even if I don't want to admit it I must. Also good thing we're 9 hours ahead and it was 9 or so in Seattle.

So by the blessing of the Lord (and Bianca's Mom - thank you THANK YOU) we were able to get out of that hotel, more or less fully refunded (the guy attempted to charge me for that night even - like we actually slept more than 4 hours in bug infested beds and I should pay for it - No. I turned to him and said, 'You want me to pay for tonight?!?' with a pretty good look of disbelief, and he seemed to agree that was asking a bit too much) and were on our way to the Marriott at like ... 6:30 in the morning? They said check-in would be at 3, but we figured we could at least leave our bags. In reality, they let us in our room on arrival, and it is SO amazingly beautiful and different than the nightmare we were in merely hours earlier.

So, the good news is we are now in a Marriott Courtyard. The bad news being we had to sleep in bug infested beds to get here - which also means we've found a couple stragglers trying to hop along for the ride. Bianca made a good point, they've already won, they got the room at the other hotel, I just wish they'd leave us alone!! Every once in a while one of us feels like they're crawling all over as well, but that's just the human psyche for you.

Other than bugs and moving all of our stuff on the metro, Paris has been wonderful!! We took an illuminations tour - one of those sightseeing buses by night that also came with a boat ride on the seine, and it was fabulous. Some pictures of that on the blog to come as well. Yesterday we made the Louvre, Saint Chappelle, and the Cluny Museum (that one has that tapestry of the Lady and the Unicorn - fabulous!). Today I'm hoping for d'Orsay, Rodin, Orangerie, and the Army Museum.

Hope you all are very well, and have enjoyed reading the exploits of my trip to France thus far. I'll let you know if anything else ridiculous occurs, as we have free internet in our hotel! Very nice. Some other pics:

The Best ...

2008-05-31T14:01:00.001-07:00

Luxembourg. Europe just keeps getting better and better. And we only had one day to do it! Poop! Well, somewhere to return to next time ... Short post, I'll let you know more later. But picture, worth a thousand words, right?

Go To Bruges.

2008-05-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

Rick Steves is right. Europe through the back door. Big cities are okay, but more or less a dumb idea for a vacation. Small towns a short train ride away make all the difference. Although some have a little too much tourism in their veins. That can be a little annoying. Can you imaging growing up where your dad drives tour boats around canals all day? That'd be weird. But there IS chocolate EVERYWHERE, so that's probably a fair trade.

Europe - Here We Go!

2008-05-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I've ended my internship, and thought new beginnings also mean new blogs ... well this one has been around a while, but I only had it for the picture. So here we go, this summer trip to Europe with Bianca and Hillary will be here, as well as my beginnings at Princeton.

5/22-5/26
Seattle to Amsterdam!
Traveled to Amsterdam - probably experienced the worst jet-lag of my life. It took me about 2 days to get back to normal, but here we are! ready to go! I think the hardest thing right now is giving in to the high prices of things ... It's so disgusting, they're like the same prices as they would be in America, only in Euros which means it's ACTUALLY about double the price ... blech ... Hillary is probably a little weary of me not wanting to eat lunch, but hey you've gotta do what you've gotta do!! We had our fill of Amsterdam and all of it's 'coffee shops' and headed out to Haarlem only about 20min by train away. SO fantastic - less people, more canals, pretty streets and good coffee. Also where Corrie Ten Boom lived, which just happened to be closed ... but we made sure to see the Anne Frank Huis back in Amsterdam. I recommend a trip to Haarlem as a wonderful escape from Amsterdam's bustling streets.

5/26-29
Brussels!
We arrived this afternoon and only got a little lost - I must learn not to wear many layers on traveling days, although Hillary makes a good point that if I don't wear it then I have to pack it ... In any case I was REALLY hot. And it's pretty warm and humid here! And funny story, on the way here I ran into my friend Sharon (from High School) at the train station, and we ended up traveling with her and her friend from Amsterdam to Brussels! How strange and small this world always seems to be. Well, there is much wandering and getting lost for us to do here, and we intend on bringing Bianca into all the fun come tomorrow afternoon when she arrives. I have to admit there is a certain thrill in having to figure out trains, buses, trams, etc. in a new place. And once you've done it it's like you've conquered a mountain. Only there isn't that whole issue of having to climb back down again, which might actually make the experience even better. Did I just equate mountain climbing to figuring out public transit? And claim the latter to be more exciting? Hmmm ...

Until next time ...

2006-06-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there! I might start a blog, and I might not. But I wanted a picture with my profile, so here goes.