Should I brew my own coffee?

It is at times like this when you ask questions about what it means to grow up. I'm entering into my first salary position, in which there is not foreseeable end-date, completely moving away from home (or at least trying to box up my room and give 90% of my 25yrs of accumulated 'stuff' away), and there are people relying on me to produce, not just grade me on performance.

So will I brew my own coffee? Will I cook more than 4 times a week? Do I need a smart-phone data plan? Can I afford a flat-screen tv? Will I grow my own vegetables? Can I actually practice living simply? Do I have to buy a whole new wardrobe? Do I have to wear heels more often, or is that a trend worth rebelling against? Do I need to factor in weekly exercise routines? And therefore will I become a member at a gym? Can I compost? Will I compost? Will I have good boundaries between work and play, such that there is a time I will not be working (but preferably no time when I will not be playing ... at some level)? Can I implement the habits I've always said I would once I establish a structured lifestyle? Will I have a structured lifestyle? Do I know how to save for retirement? How do I invest, and save? How much planning can one have for the future?

Okay, well, that's a load off my mind. Here's to the road ahead.

It's finals. I'm procrastinating.

I would like to write a poem with the first line that says: Truth is not palatable.

I'm pretty convinced today's musicians either want to look or sound like Simon and Garfunkel.

Why are Miyazaki's movies never less than $20?

I impulse purchased both Anastasia and a worship/theology book. My worlds collide in an Amazon shopping cart.

Today I spent the remainder of breakfast with 5 friends boisterously watching funny youtubes from Sesame Street. How do puppets maintain humor throughout the ages?

Today is Good Friday, and I have to write papers. Thanks seminary. In any case, I am meditating on these words from Travis Cottrell's song 2000 Years (if you click scroll down and play song):

If I was there the night
Soldiers took Him away
Would I flee the scene
Like most of His friends
Then watch on the cross
What I thought was the end
What would I do then

Would I fall down and worship? Leave all that I treasured behind? For a chance to be closer To the Man who might Be the One who saves my life?



C'est la Fin.

Worship is an ambiguous term, but it's probably best that way.

Derek Webb's album 'Feedback' includes a song that I cannot stop listening to. The project itself is "An Instrumental Electronic Album Based on the Lord's Prayer," and it is quite commendable. In the Christianity of today, it seems we are always exploring new ways of 'experiencing God', spiritual disciplines, and worship, etc. I suppose it reflects the culture of today - trying to experience everything in new ways. Or perhaps that's just a trajectory of humanity - we get bored easily, we don't like to settle, we think there will always be a better way to do things than the way of our parents ...

I'm getting off track. My main thoughts on this are: 1) Awesome. 2) I like worship without words. and 3) public or private?

1) It is simply awesome. I would like to listen to it on repeat while driving. First I need a car.

2) I like it when there isn't someone telling me how to worship. Yes we can learn through the words of a hymn, or center ourselves in certain words of praise, but I am still me, trying to connect with God. The sounds are moving, and engaging, and given the fact that it's a movement through the Lord's prayer, it is suggested at what part of the prayer we are in, but the music opens it to something more than a prayer - or maybe it's what prayer is meant to be ... felt within my bones, moving my spirit.

3) Is this a public or private excursion we should take with Mr. Webb? He's on tour right now with Jars of Clay, and while that sounds awesome, I'm also not enticed to see this in concert ... I don't know, perhaps it falls in line with how we say the Lord's Prayer corporately in Sunday service, but the exploration of prayer by these means seems kind of personal, no? This probably is more of a reflection on art for me - that art is a private event. When I create art, and it's honest art not a craft project, then it feels personal, vulnerable and telling. Prayer can be that way as well, private or public I suppose. I just don't want prayer turning into a concert, although I suppose all of us praying together would be a beautiful concert to God ... ?

I'll have to think about this some more. Listen below for your own time of meditation ...

Your Kingdom Come.

Reverential Treatment?

The small group I lead up at Rutgers University has decided to keep one another accountable in daily devotions, and to do so, we've decided to read a psalm a day. I bought some awesome thin Moleskine journals for us to use, so that we are at least reflecting on something we've read each day.

Today is Psalm 5, which first of all reminds me of a favorite song that I cannot find a fair rendition of (youtube offers either country or 80's ... perhaps I'll have to record one of my own ...), but also brings to light a growing concern I've had recently.

Verse 7 reads: "But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple."

What is 'reverence' these days? How does our culture today treat 'holy' things? The evolution of Christian culture has centered on the accessibility of God, that Jesus wants a relationship with us, that God meets me, and is active in my every day. Fair, fair. But what about the fact that we're talking about GOD?!? Creation building, flood loosening, Fire from heavening, bush burning, covenanting, resurrecting, mountain trembling GOD ... I suppose a general observation would be that my peers, myself included, often entertain the idea that I take God with me wherever I go, not that God takes me everywhere ... I want to be of the mindset of the latter ...

I'd like to think that while yes, God is with me, I also must go and discover God in other places. I must go and worship God, "bowing toward your holy temple," reminded of God's great mercy. Reminding myself that this is GOD we're talking about, holiest of holy's, the one with wrath and grace all wrapped up together in a confusing loving parent who is unpredictable and the best at giving good surprises.

The Winter of Our Discontent

The snow was melting, and then last Wednesday we had an "Ice Day," my first ever. Classes were canceled, at least for those who had classes on Wednesday, which I did not, so it didn't even matter. But having phenomenal cameras at my disposal, I made the most of it.

Also, while doing some cleaning I found this poem I wrote from the summer during my chaplaincy, and thought I'd share. I titled is "How Well I Know Myself," and I think I wrote it during a session in the Mental Health ward on the topic of 'Wellness.' Self-care is often an issue for all of us ...

I laid out plans of where we'd go
including who I'd be

I told you what I want in life
my expectations complete

But when you asked to put aside
my list of do's and don'ts

I wasn't sure just where to go
you left me inside out

I'd never taken time before
to stop and think about

My heart and head all things unsaid
before you pulled them out

I thought that caring for myself
had more to do with you

But consequently loving me
is what I need to do.

A quote becomes me.

I found a scrap paper while cleaning with various quotes scribbled on it that have been meaningful to me. It reminds me how powerful the written word can be. In an age that boasts of technology connecting us to every thought we might have, I am reminded that my brain sits with things and processes them long after I've forgotten the written work. So many of these quotes have become a part of me, a part of my theology. I remember re-reading a Donald Miller book only to realize I'd been vocalizing my underlinings as my own thoughts in previous years, after first reading his work. Oops. I suppose I should apologize for the oratorical plagiarizing, but perhaps that's exactly what authors hope to do in their work - communicate ideas in such a way that when a reader tastes them and resonates with it, they make them a bit their own.

Some favorites (so I can recycle that scrap paper ...)

"The wretched and miserable should turn to their Saviour first, yet they do not hope in Him until all their hope is exhausted." The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas

"When God seems absent, he may be closest of all. When God seems dead, he may be coming back to life."

"The Israelites gave ample proof that signs may addict us to signs, not to God."

"But the Spirit whispers of a new reality, a fantasy that is actually true, one into which we will awake for eternity."

...from 'Disappointment With God' by Philip Yancey

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory."

William Barclay quote, ch. 21 of Yancey

"When there is no longer any opportunity for doubt, there is no longer any opportunity for faith either." Paul Tournier

"Thou thou with clouds of anger do disguise Thy face;
yet through that mask I know those eyes
Which, though they turn away sometimes
They never will despise." John Donne "A Hymn to Christ"

"Everything difficult indicates something more than our theory of life yet embraces."

George MacDonald

(I do have a feeling most of these come from chapter beginnings in Yancey's book...)

Rando Thoughts.

I have not the energy to type all the things that are swimming around in my head. So, for brevity's sake, here are some of my nuggets of wisdom and amusement.

1. There are two kinds of people in this world. One says, 'the trash needs to be taken out', and the other takes out the trash.

2. Today I stooped low to the carpet for a good minute or two pondering whether the brown fragments on the floor of our hallway were coffee beans or rat poop, whether I should touch it or smell it. I used my shoe. Praise the Lord, they were coffee beans.

3. I think risk (not the game but the action) is underrated. We often associate it with life or death situations, but what if it just means asking good questions. Sitting across from a professor at lunch. Committing to something new. You never know until you try, and I'd like to see some more risk around here (and perhaps that last statement refers to both the game and the action).

4. What is the evolutionary excuse for Zebras and Giraffes? Those are creative miracles.

5. Never underestimate the wisdom of C.S. Lewis. In the end, he will get you.

6. For verbal processors, why can't paper options come in the form of an oral examination and conversation?

7. I wish riding horses wasn't such an uncomfortable experience. I put it in the category of corndogs, because corndogs always smell better to me than they taste. At a distance, it always seems like a good idea.

8. Why does leadership so often get misconstrued to mean charismatic persona? It's akin to the idea that the 'popular kids' are popular. Popular kids aren't popular, they're the ones that everyone knows and dislikes. A leader isn't someone who's up front suavely shaking hands and name dropping, true leaders are the ones in the system getting their hands dirty, and empowering the people around them. Let's be better leaders - mutual submission and relational encouragement. Come on church, be church!!

9. Let's stop playing games. If the only card you'll put forward is the 'you don't understand me' card, then we will not get anywhere. I need you to dig deep, and match what I am putting forward, my 'help me understand you better' card.

10. Acts 20:13-38

And lastly,

To Thine Own Self Be True.

Everywhere I turn, in class, life, Bible, recreational reading ... if there is one piece of advice that the world seems to be throwing my way, it is to know yourself.

And I think the most frustrating relationships I have in my life are the ones in which the other party doesn't quite know who they are.

That's a stark judgment, but one that comes from hours of thought and consideration. If you're trying to be someone else by mimicking their language (either verbal or body), make a name for yourself in one way or another that doesn't seem to have congruence with the passions of your heart, if your trajectory in life seems to veer in different directions year-in and year-out, I think you might need to take some time to actually find out who you are.

My Pastor as Person course has me engulfed in counseling books, and all resonate with the idea of knowing yourself. Being able to listen to what drives you, motivates you, makes you react the way you do. Which is really fascinating once you consider all the parts of your life that have made you who you are.

My bottom line with this post is really the bottom line of Runaway Bride, however cheesy and ridiculous that may sound. But the premise of that movie (don't read if you haven't seen it, or do if you don't care) is that Julia Roberts' character doesn't know herself well enough, and has never been encouraged to know herself well enough in relationships to commit to marriage. Which, actually is a blessing that she never actually did get married to any of those men because she was the ultimate case of the people pleaser. Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I think back to that movie with deep consideration and appreciation for the question 'how do you like your eggs?'

All that being said, I think I know myself pretty well. But let's not kid ourselves, I'll continue to learn more about myself everyday, especially because my days involve other people, and you always learn in relationship. So do yourself and everyone else who has to encounter you a favor - take some 'me' time today and remember who you are ... oh, more great words from movie greats. Thanks Mufasa.

Happy fall.

What about when God DOES answer prayer?!

Hallelujah, Salvation and Glory, Honor and Power unto the Lord, OUR God.

It seems to me that modern theology has taken over prayer. Rather than working from the concept that 'God answers prayer', we now come from the standpoint of 'what do we do when God doesn't answer prayer?'. I recently fell in love with a song by JJ Heller, in which the first words are 'I have unanswered prayers' ... and while I first resonated with the intention, I'm not sure I agree with the conclusion. Do I have unanswered prayers, or are they simply answered in a way I disagree with? Do I see the answers if they aren't where I'm looking for them? God is not as formulaic as we'd all like to believe, and is probably more creative than we give Him credit for. I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for answers with those two pieces in mind. Of course, this probably breaks down around terrible tragedies, when we pray for healing and it doesn't happen. Duly granted. But most of the time my prayers aren't focused on the tragic predicament of an impending death (though perhaps they should be? Hmmm ...).

All this is to say I have had prayers answered. I've heard about miracles from friends' prayers. I believe I've had miracles occur in direct relation to my prayers. I have come to understand that God is a faithful God, but I suppose some may say that is me choosing to appropriate good fortune with divine intervention. Maybe it's something like choosing to believe God is a faithful God, rather than testing my prayers on Him first. I'd rather just call it divine intervention, but whatever.

In any case, I sit here reflecting on answered prayer, primarily because I feel blessed. Overwhelmingly blessed. By my family, by my friends, by my opportunities, by my gifts, by everything in this moment. This does not mean my life is devoid of death, pain, loss, etc. But it means I do, today, choose to remember how good I have it, I choose to recall how God has been faithful, I choose to recognize that this cannot all be due to chance. And, that someone deserves quite a bit of gratitude. In my opinion, there is no way I brought this on myself. So, once again,

Hallelujah, Salvation and Glory, Honor and Power unto the Lord Out God.

I feel like a Mary in a world of Marthas. My studying happens, but I do not pride myself in diligence ... and no one said grad school was going to be easy, but no one said it wouldn't be fun either. So I am making the most of my time. Which also meant a trip to DC to see some WONDERFUL people - we had a dinner that was comprised of about 8 Seattlites (born or colleged there), what are the odds. We also spent time at the Air and Space museum, and saw the Declaration of Independence. I was so thrown by the wonder involved in pondering the universe (what in the what is dark matter...) and pondering the beginnings of our country. History and science, thinking about things too large to comprehend, and considering the movements of humanity in time. Sociology is so important, and yet rotation and revolution help maintain our lives ... I saw a picture of Mercury passing in front of the sun. WOW. Rings of Saturn, holy moly.

What is Chaplain ... reflections of the summer ...

The words 'Chaplain' and 'Church' couldn't be further apart. Yet, they somehow resemble the same thing - spiritual care. The methods and mentality cause the divergence.

To be Chaplain - there is a humbling, and essence of humility that permeates the nature of a good chaplain. Rife with 'I don't know' and 'you're right, it isn't fair', a Chaplain learns to listen. And listen. They sit, not presuming to preach, teach, fix, or problem solve, but listen, and be. Every day the prayer becomes 'give us ears to hear' because there are untouched depths behind tears, voiced fears, angry words, the pacing of anxious feet, and eyes which haven't been dry for days.

And so, patients talk. But we aren't there to hear them talk, we wait until they share. The heart is vulnerable, and becomes honest with trust. We pose no threat, so when that is recognized, truth emerges. Past pain or regret, anger or confusion at times. We are all looking for answers, so what happens when we find out there are no easy answers? Some presume to attempt a solution anyway. I've learned to sit with the questions. Sometimes when we ask, we come to understand the reason for the question a little better. Curiosity met with curiosity allows human to see human. And to be a Chaplain, is hopefully to say 'nice to finally meet you'. It seems that to wear the other face of Church, we sometimes instead say, 'have you met me yet?'

This isn't a hula hoop.

Summer is nearly ended, and I have barely blogged at all. Too much to think about and reflect on, it mostly goes in my journal. I'll try and write a bit more, but for the moment I'd like to revel in the surprise I received this week. But let's back up a bit - as someone who is pursuing ministry within the PC(USA), there are many, many hoops to jump through. Paperwork and interviews, interviews and paperwork. It is all modeled to be a fantastic way to be in conversation with someone asking the question, 'what is my calling in ministry?' and offers a great community appeal. But somewhere along the way it feels more like the circus with this hoop, and now this hoop, and yet another hoop, and then oh, you thought that was the last one? wrong! At least the hoops aren't set on fire ... well, maybe the last one is ...

And so I have been moved from someone asking the questions of myself in ministry, to the formal term of 'inquirer' (still asking the question of me in ministry, just with a fancy official title) and this week, my church has approved my move to candidacy. And while the titles and hoops sound sterile and removed from a personal journey, I cannot express the surprise and encouragement I felt upon fielding questions at the session meeting that moved me forward.

It's just one of those moments that gets you - where you catch a vision of the body of Christ and remember, oh yeah! This IS what it's all about. Elders, nominated from the church body to represent the church body - seeking after what it means to have Christ as the head, and discern the gifts we each bring to the table, and how God desires to use us. I love my church. And this week, I heard affirmation that they love me back. How cool is that?!?

My Life as a Hospital Chaplain.

So far, my job is awesome. Aside from the sleepovers in the hospital where you wake up every hour thinking you're going to get called to be available during a multi-car wreck, it's pretty great. I get to listen to people's stories every day. I get to pray with complete strangers. I get to meet staff and patients and just be present for them. I also get free meals! But most entertainingly, I need to read up about my religious conspiracy theories, and so I have done some googling in order to prepare myself. This site seems to have the answers I need - in the fact that in working with mental health patients I need to know what I might be dealing with. I got the double whammy of Cain being the son of Satan and the UN being the onset of the Anti-Christ in one day ...

If I had the time ...

I would read. I would re-read all my Tolkien. I would read the Silmarillion. I would read read read read ... more Marilynn Robinson, that Douglas Adams sitting on my shelf, the Henri Nouwen I still haven't finished, and pick up some books from that list compiled from friends suggestions that sits in my wallet waiting for that odd afternoon free when I might find myself mysteriously stranded at the Barnes and Noble.

But would I? Because given the time, I'd rather be with friends, catching up or simply hanging out ... when I find free time it's watching movies or making things. I'm doing a psych exam for my ordination requirements, and they always ask those extrovert/introvert questions of 'given an evening, would you rather ... a) be at a party with friends or b) spend time alone reading - SO what happens when you find joy in both? I suppose this is where preference comes in, but then it depends also on the reading, and maybe on the friends (ouch, that's harsh ... ).

Speaking of time, don't know if I'll have it. I suppose I do right now, since I'm sitting here in the blogosphere, but I've recently begun a position as a hospital Chaplain, which means a lot of reflecting after long days. Who knows what's coming for me in the week ahead, but I'm excited to find out. Anyway, this blog feels like it might be making it's demise soon ... I'll try and keep it around for the last year of Seminary that looms it's head in front of me - then who knows!

This time I'm not angry.

First of all, GLORIOUS sunshine means reading books outside.
Okay, now to an update.
I started writing a post a while back in the heat of anger, and it just felt wrong. I was angry with what I felt was a righteous anger ... and it almost felt justifying to have it out over the internet. Almost. In the midst of writing it, it felt wrong - like in just writing it out I was focusing even more on my anger that shouldn't have been fed anyway, and my tunnel vision of righteousness allowed me to vent in public airways. That's not how that should work.

So I'm better now. And even more than that, I'm enlightened. This weekend I was blessed to be a part of a production called 'Space for God', which was a show written by a woman who is doing her PhD here at PTS, and it was absolutely phenomenal. I showed up only knowing the song they asked me to play as a vignette during a set change, and not even knowing what the show was about. But the pieces that she wrote were so stirring! It was basically 3 monologues from the perspective of different women in ministry, but not basically, it was much much more than that. The imagery that was brought to life through the characters, motion, and speech that they shared on the staged - I will be mulling over each piece for days, I'm sure. It is so beautiful to see words come to life in such meaningful ways. And although I like the theater, I've usually found it to be a distraction from life - a nice get-away (although harder/darker pieces mean probably not so nice...) but this had such depth to it, and was so close to home. PTL for the creative work of those around me. It was also a time for me to once again consider where I'd like to go in musician possibilities.

But here also are my recent adventures, since I don't keep up on here often at ALL.
My sis visited!

Trip to the shore! Sunshine and happy people.

Bonhoeffer.

If you haven't read him you should.

However, I think in creating a thesis for the class I'm taking on him, I'm left a bit unsettled. But I suppose any good theologian would leave you that way. I'm left pondering what it means to imitate Christ, and what is identity ... ? Are we what we do? What we say? What we think? What we feel? What part of me is me, and will always be me, and what part of me is transformed by Christ as I try to lose 'self' or turn away from 'flesh' and all that jazz? And what does it mean to take up one's cross? Or bear one another's burdens? And how does this become wholistic and healthy for us and those around us? Riddle me this ... to me, it does shed more light on his poetry.

Well, on to paper writing.

Why.

I haven't updated here in a while, and I've been considering why.

This place exists so that I can update people about what is going on in my life - but I'd much rather be telling them, talking with them, having coffee with them, writing letters to them, than posting general information about my life and various obscurities. In that way, how personal do these even get? To think that I am in some way connected with the people who read this is feeding a lie. It is the same with facebook and networking sites that allow us some confirmation that we are connected with the people of the world, when we're most likely sitting alone, possibly in a crowded place but still alone, reading about them and not talking with them. It's such a backwards response to our desire for community and inclusion.

I also am apprehensive to write because I don't know what the appropriate limits to sharing are. I'm very tempted to simply post quotes or meaningful messages from classes I'm taking, rather than share personal stories and ponderings, because those are me, and this is not how you get to know me. I often think about what it would be like to be a songwriter, novelist or poet - but that seems very vulnerable to me, and it's no wonder Keats died so young.

Well, thoughts, once again, publicly posted. About public postings. OH well. I don't know when I'll update this next - in case you are genuinely interested in my goings on, I am LOVING seminary, and it is probably a good sign that I am apprehensive about this public domain thing, because my focus is turned towards the communities that I am a part of, not the virtual ones.

I will leave you with a recent favorite song, though. My God My Father Blissful Name, by Indelible Grace:

My God, my Father, blissful name
Oh may I call Thee mine?
May I with sweet assurance claim
A portion so divine?
This only can my fears control
And bid my sorrows fly;
What harm can ever reach my soul
Beneath my Father’s eye?

Whate’er Thy providence denies
I calmly would resign
For Thou art just, and good, and wise
O bend my will to Thine
Whate’er Thy sacred will ordains
O give me strength to bear;
And let me know my Father reigns
And trust His tender care

If pain and sickness rend this frame
And life almost depart
Is not Thy mercy still the same
To cheer my drooping heart
If cares and sorrows me surround
Their power why should I fear?
My inward peace they cannot wound
If Thou, my God, art near

It's been so long I don't know where to begin ...

Sometimes I think perhaps twitter would be the better option, because I think about SO many things on public transportation. But this would also mean I would need some device to help me do that and it seems hardly worth the effort, and also rather self-centered ... but then again what is blogging?

So where to begin:
#1. I have not lost my sense of humor. Port-o-potties always make for a good photo op.
#2. So do NY Skylines. From Central Park.
#3. Halloween in 2-parts: a) Community Service b) Host Family service (?) of pumpkin carving!
#4. Painting is still a vice. As are dance parties. Here is our hall tradition floor finished!
#5. I think this is studying Greek.
#6. I still jump for photo's at monuments! And coerce friends to do the same!
#6. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving with Family. And the trademark Rabbit of the Arrowsmith clan.

#7. Here I feel Rachel and I have emulated what we believe is expected to occur at the Masonic Temple (of George Washington?) in Arlington, VA. Oh George, thou hast a mighty heavy head of steel. This made for a creepy and entertaining afternoon adventure.

Well that should be a rather good update of events this fall - very devoid of the thoughts that continue to wrack my brain, but I assure you all is well upstairs. Bottomline: Prayer is powerful, God is good, death is terrible, crying is sometimes necessary, creation is gorgeous, popcorn from the stove is undoubtedly better than gold, letters are bomb.com, music is essential, family is priceless, visiting friends in close-by cities is a must, cello's speak to my soul, and dance parties to Franz Ferdinand will pick up any day.

I am a loser. But I do not lose in silence. I stomp.

I can only remember losing 3 favorite items of clothing in my life (there are probably more, but not as beloved):
1. A wonderful puffy pink jacket when I was 10. I can still remember exactly where I left it, on the stacks of chairs in the fellowship hall of Camp Orkila.

2. The most versatile layer you could ever own - the Black North Face vest, newly purchased and somehow easily misplaced. I probably had it for a few months and then poof - gone - no idea where it decided to go, or why it decided to leave. I do believe I have documented proof of its existence somewhere ...

3. Most recently, my favorite purchase of the summer - a bright teal cardigan of perfect size, shape and color. It accompanied me to weddings, was worn perfectly with fancy shirts and simple ones, and gave me just the right amount of warmth. But in some part of the unpacking process, it lost its way and is no where to be found. I have overturned the contents of my drawers and closet, hoping beyond hopes to rejoice as the woman did who found her lost coin, but alas, my misfortune as of yet has not become a parable.

So there you have it, a simple slice of my losing capabilites. I will not waste your time on the favorite chapstick that has also disappeared.

So how do we respond to such misfortune? We mourn, we share our grief with those around us (I have not yet built up the courage to even think of replacing the cardigan). But perhaps it is also appropriate to let out some of the feelings of outrage that come in the midst of losing things, and for this, my friends, I bring you to the art of Stomp/Step. Absolutely glorious. And perhaps it was more that I was able to completely forget about my lost items, and remember that I am found, and that rhythm and motion have a way of healing all wounds.

What are you trying to prove?

Think about it. Even if your initial answer was 'no', is that truthful?

I spent some time on the subway yesterday, which of course is the prime place for people watching. So what is it about our wardrobes that we are trying to communicate to others? Is the ipod in our ears merely for our entertainment, or is it proving to people the luxuries I can afford? If I wear skinny jeans, or scarves, or many brightly colored necklaces, or shoes with my laces strategically untied, am I presenting myself or an image of something I want other people to interpret? On a somewhat related note, why do we sexualize everything?!?

What about in conversation. Everyone can smell a hypocrite a mile a way, and the Church being labeled the number one culprit in pop culture today, the odds can't be that good on a Seminary campus, especially since the stakes are a bit higher in the 'practice what you preach' category.

So who are we? What do we try to prove to other people about our identity by the things we wear, the words we say, and the people we claim to be? And how well do we know ourselves - do we listen to the pressures of society (whoever they may be) telling us who we should try to be?

Personally, I am refreshed that in my religion, in my tradition, and in my heart I have a savior who asks me to identify first in Him, and the rest will fall into place. Not easily, and not without the temptation to define who I am on my own. But at least I know that when I totally screw it up, someone already knows exactly who I am.