Janu-airy

Short terms are interesting. This is my first experience with one, and I'm not sure what I think about it. Cramming 10 weeks of information into less than 3 is quite a task, and staying awake for 3hrs of lecture every day does prove to be a challenge for me. I very greatly appreciate the class (Presbyterian History and Theology), but also the extra's that accompany this short term.

During a usual semester, we have the opportunity to attend Chapel every day at 11:30. But during the shorter term, we have morning prayer/evening prayer options. I decided to go to morning prayer the first week, which is itself dedication as it is at 8:30am - perhaps not early for you but early enough for me. :) The style of the service is from the Book of Common Prayer which in essence means high liturgy and very structured. My first impression was that it was rather dry - to read in response words printed for you on paper, to hear the monotonous voices surrounding you droning through the Apostle's Creed, and the pristine words of the speaker that have lost most of their conversational quality in the attempt to present a more holy atmosphere.

But is this not the epitome of judgement?

As I vented my self-righteous opinions about how I like to worship, Margaret was good enough to point out to me how much I was missing the point. What is worship? What does it mean to pray? What is prayer? I found myself swimming in the terrible current trend of 'what's in it for me?'. I can't stand that. I was looking for what I wanted. I was focusing on how I worship. I wasn't listening or praying about anything really, I was too distracted with what I wanted to get out of it. Why is there so much me all the time? How do I find myself there so often?

Well, I've been back. Every day. It has been glorious. I can't explain it, it's as though that first day I had the evil spirit of criticism hovering over my shoulder that wouldn't let me experience the Holy Spirit in that place. My mind open, my heart refreshed, the words on the page mean something different. The practice of speaking the scriptures with my brothers and sisters is a new experience. Worship and prayer are bigger than I am. How marvelous.

It makes me appreciate structure in some ways - how we may not want to do something, yet should do something. When we don't feel like praying, perhaps that is the best time to pray. Although I may not like the service at a church, let's look for God in it anyway, because He's there, and I just need to listen or pay attention. Let's all get off our high horses about wanting what we want, and try wanting what we've got.