If I could write the world a song.

I wish I was more of a writer. Doesn't it seem that the strengths you wish for yourself aren't the strengths you've been given? I have a passion for writing music, I just don't know how or what I would write. So I have a passion for wanting to write music. I think it comes out of a dislike for the worship music we hear over and over again at gatherings. Which is kind of funny in itself, because I would probably complain if only songs I didn't know were played - unless they were great songs with a solid sound and thoughtful lyrics. Which is what I would love to write. I think it's a desire for contemporary hymns. I'm obsessed with the song 'This Road' by Jars of Clay, of which the lyrics are:

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

---I love it. I find myself picking up my guitar as a 'break' from studying which generally lasts longer than anything that should be called a break. I also 'helped' lead worship last night at our 'contemporary' worship service - I say 'helped' because no one came, and I say 'contemporary' because the songs were all circa 2001. Now, here is the dilemma. We sat brainstorming what should be done to encourage people to come, and amidst encouraging better advertising, I feel a need to move towards better songs. There are some newer songs that I love, and would love to bring to corporate worship. But isn't there a problem when I start loving songs? Once I was told, 'careful Becca, don't worship the worship'. It was in jest at the time, but those words have stuck with me because I easily love music, and I wonder sometimes if I enjoy worship music at gatherings because I love the music or if I'm really worshiping God. It can be hard to separate the two.

I know there are times when I have felt totally free during a worship service to praise God or be honest with God, and not be distracted by the voices around me, but distinctly touched by the words we sing, understanding what they really mean. And I hope that's what I can offer, that if I am worshiping through these pieces so can those who gather with me. Perhaps I should just stop worrying about what other people want in a worship service, and recognize that God works amidst our body of believers. Most of the time it really is us allowing ourselves to let go of ourselves and be listeners to and participants in something that is greater than ourselves.