It's been so long I don't know where to begin ...

Sometimes I think perhaps twitter would be the better option, because I think about SO many things on public transportation. But this would also mean I would need some device to help me do that and it seems hardly worth the effort, and also rather self-centered ... but then again what is blogging?

So where to begin:
#1. I have not lost my sense of humor. Port-o-potties always make for a good photo op.
#2. So do NY Skylines. From Central Park.
#3. Halloween in 2-parts: a) Community Service b) Host Family service (?) of pumpkin carving!
#4. Painting is still a vice. As are dance parties. Here is our hall tradition floor finished!
#5. I think this is studying Greek.
#6. I still jump for photo's at monuments! And coerce friends to do the same!
#6. There is nothing better than Thanksgiving with Family. And the trademark Rabbit of the Arrowsmith clan.

#7. Here I feel Rachel and I have emulated what we believe is expected to occur at the Masonic Temple (of George Washington?) in Arlington, VA. Oh George, thou hast a mighty heavy head of steel. This made for a creepy and entertaining afternoon adventure.

Well that should be a rather good update of events this fall - very devoid of the thoughts that continue to wrack my brain, but I assure you all is well upstairs. Bottomline: Prayer is powerful, God is good, death is terrible, crying is sometimes necessary, creation is gorgeous, popcorn from the stove is undoubtedly better than gold, letters are bomb.com, music is essential, family is priceless, visiting friends in close-by cities is a must, cello's speak to my soul, and dance parties to Franz Ferdinand will pick up any day.

I am a loser. But I do not lose in silence. I stomp.

I can only remember losing 3 favorite items of clothing in my life (there are probably more, but not as beloved):
1. A wonderful puffy pink jacket when I was 10. I can still remember exactly where I left it, on the stacks of chairs in the fellowship hall of Camp Orkila.

2. The most versatile layer you could ever own - the Black North Face vest, newly purchased and somehow easily misplaced. I probably had it for a few months and then poof - gone - no idea where it decided to go, or why it decided to leave. I do believe I have documented proof of its existence somewhere ...

3. Most recently, my favorite purchase of the summer - a bright teal cardigan of perfect size, shape and color. It accompanied me to weddings, was worn perfectly with fancy shirts and simple ones, and gave me just the right amount of warmth. But in some part of the unpacking process, it lost its way and is no where to be found. I have overturned the contents of my drawers and closet, hoping beyond hopes to rejoice as the woman did who found her lost coin, but alas, my misfortune as of yet has not become a parable.

So there you have it, a simple slice of my losing capabilites. I will not waste your time on the favorite chapstick that has also disappeared.

So how do we respond to such misfortune? We mourn, we share our grief with those around us (I have not yet built up the courage to even think of replacing the cardigan). But perhaps it is also appropriate to let out some of the feelings of outrage that come in the midst of losing things, and for this, my friends, I bring you to the art of Stomp/Step. Absolutely glorious. And perhaps it was more that I was able to completely forget about my lost items, and remember that I am found, and that rhythm and motion have a way of healing all wounds.

What are you trying to prove?

Think about it. Even if your initial answer was 'no', is that truthful?

I spent some time on the subway yesterday, which of course is the prime place for people watching. So what is it about our wardrobes that we are trying to communicate to others? Is the ipod in our ears merely for our entertainment, or is it proving to people the luxuries I can afford? If I wear skinny jeans, or scarves, or many brightly colored necklaces, or shoes with my laces strategically untied, am I presenting myself or an image of something I want other people to interpret? On a somewhat related note, why do we sexualize everything?!?

What about in conversation. Everyone can smell a hypocrite a mile a way, and the Church being labeled the number one culprit in pop culture today, the odds can't be that good on a Seminary campus, especially since the stakes are a bit higher in the 'practice what you preach' category.

So who are we? What do we try to prove to other people about our identity by the things we wear, the words we say, and the people we claim to be? And how well do we know ourselves - do we listen to the pressures of society (whoever they may be) telling us who we should try to be?

Personally, I am refreshed that in my religion, in my tradition, and in my heart I have a savior who asks me to identify first in Him, and the rest will fall into place. Not easily, and not without the temptation to define who I am on my own. But at least I know that when I totally screw it up, someone already knows exactly who I am.

Truly this time, I went further up and further in!

From the outside (channeling Lennon)To the Inside!

Through the windows of the crown!

Oh yes, we made it to the top.

Statue of Liberty. I am proud because we bought our tickets in June, and now they are sold out through December. WHAT A COOL DAY. This plus Ellis Island, AND knowing that I am fully capable of riding the public transit of NYC all by myself. WITH shortcuts/express trains. Whoop whoop!

And now classes have begun, and I'm learning why co-moderating two student groups isn't always such a hot idea, but at the same time why it's kind of neat - sometimes there's overlap b/t justice and worship. Who woulda thunk it.

Amazing grace I feel you coming up slowly now ...

It's amazing what simply going to church can do. I'm not saying being a church goer is a quick fix for the problems of the world, or that a sermon will solve whatever ails you, but rather that there is something about a sanctuary and a community of believers that puts my heart at ease. I went to the 5 o'clock on Sunday, feeling all that anxiety and worry from my previous post, along with that awkward who am I going to sit with tonight? that begins in the parking lot and lasts as you pass through the double doors of the room itself. But taking my seat in a pew, on my own, there was a sense of refreshment. Singing with the congregation my mind left behind my worries, and I took some time to dwell a little longer in God's faithfulness.

I often hear the message that is so eloquently stated by Jesus in Matthew 11:28, saying:

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I'll hear that and I'll say to myself, what a great reminder. That Jesus will give us rest. But how is that put into action in my life? How often do I choose to take up His yoke, rather than providing my own - rusty and crooked as it is? On Sunday I stood and pondered this - What does it mean for us to lean and depend on Christ? And to me, it first means that I don't depend on myself. That is a scary yet freeing thing to do. To not depend on myself - I know what I'm capable of, I know how I handle things, I know what happens when I am in control. But what growth comes out of my smothering things to make them just as I want them to be?

Now, I also know what it is to depend on God, and it has so much better and fuller of a reward than I could ever make for myself. These responsibilities and positions I'll have this year are not my obligations so much as they are my opportunities to participate in what God is already doing. What a relief. THIS I can rest in. God's kingdom in the world isn't dependent on me holding up all the corners. God is big enough to bring it all together.

Oh boy, just another day, learning from the Teacher.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow

At some point, you've just have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is.

I think I come from a culture that ends up being a lot of talk. The government should work for me this way ... or ... you know what's wrong with education today ... or ... if it was me I would have ... And in reflection of my summer and my first year as a grad student, I find myself in a position much like my culture: a place of critique and ambition. Yet in total fear of how I will actually put any of it to good use. It's easy to see what's wrong with a situation when you are well outside of it's grasp. And all the arrows are pointing at how it can be made better. But it gets a little scary when it turns out the arrows are also pointing at you to be a part of the change you desire.

I have all these brimming hopes to bring it all together at Seminary. So often, we as people, complain about community, during a move or a new environment - I didn't feel welcome, I couldn't be myself, no one was friendly - but how much of that is because of our attitude? First off, in new places we all desire to be liked, and not rejected. So step one? Like others, and don't reject them. Secondly, I so desire to have real conversations about faith and what it means to us, and what it is we actually believe. Not about doctrine really, or about which theologian said what, but a real tell all of why they are here. What is your 'call'? What is it about Jesus that brought you to this point? Step two sounds a little trickier, and seems to be a bit of a risk.

So to actually enter into these conversations - am I just a lot of talk? In the end will I put my money where my mouth is and let the gospel come tumbling out? I'm not so confident in myself, but I trust that the Holy Spirit will ensure that it happens.

Thoughts while away from blogging but amidst much travel.

1. Rumble strips are a great idea, and are also a great way to wake students up for lunch without having to yell.

2. Why do we say things like, 'have a good flight!'? Do I have some sort of mystic control over the possible babies, turbulence, and airplane food (or lack there of) that my friend could encounter on her flight across the country? I suppose I do subscribe to the notion that if you go in with a good attitude you'll have a better time, but then should I shout instead, 'think good thoughts while on the plane!' or 'keep a smile on your face, even if your chair doesn't recline and your neighbors took all the elbow space!' ...

3. Is Satan real. I am re-reading The Screwtape Letters and am usually with C.S. Lewis 100%, so I think you know what my answer on the topic is. I encountered many youth in my internship who do not necessarily agree with me, and say that Satan is more or less the name we give to different temptations in our lives ... that is watered down, and rather unbiblical. What do they attribute evil to, what exactly is temptation then? Then what is the Bible talking about when it mentions Satan? I think this is a direct effect of avoiding the discussion of Hell, but when did we start side-stepping such strong stuff in the church today? We're afraid of Bible thumping so we simply Bible Thumb to the pages we approve of?

4. Upon returning from The Great Escape, a Jr. High week-long camp experience at a college campus, I have a few observations:
a) Shaving cream up the nose is absolutely TERRIBLE.
b) Chocolate milk is delicious, however you should stay away from dairy when you are susceptible to sinus infections and already have a cold.
c) I am SO frustrated when speakers continue the tradition of telling people what they should and should not do, while avoiding the question on everyone's mind, 'Why?' Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about porn (although some were actually too young to know what that is). Let's talk about body image. But let's talk about why you have value, why relationships are more than just a bodily reaction to one another, why God places restrictions on things ... I think their old enough to understand. Plus they've been asking 'why' to everything else for the past 10 years already. And I think some leaders need to hear it more than the students do!
d) I don't yet know how you present a great worship experience without also making it like a concert. This I shall continue to ponder.

5. Weddings are the best. Granted there was no dancing down the aisles, but at least there was dancing.

6. I still am trying to catch up on my sleep. And the sinus infection is now faced with a new competitor: The Neti Pot. I've probably talked about it for years, how you pour it in your nose to clear you sinuses, and how I wasn't sure I'd ever bring myself to actually do it. Well friends, the deed has been done. And it felt weird. But we press on.

7. Lastly, always take someone up when they offer you the use of their swimming pool.